Ezekiel 12 -14; Revelation 5

Seriously LOVE Tuesday mornings...listening to how You are working in women and through them, it's a JOY really. Even when the stuff You are doing is hard, is confusing and creating chaos in them, their marriages....knowing that it's You and seeing them want to lean into that no matter how hard.....is Joy.

Ezekiel 13 is frightening.....don't say God says...don't promise peace....I can only point them to You and their own journey to following. Point them to Your Son and know, absolutely KNOW what they will find......but sometimes I so get in the way and my words confuse and confound them....I need Your help Abba to be more quiet...more curious...more confident and loving.....And then you will know that I am the LORD.'

Ezekiel 14: 4 Therefore speak to them and tell them, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: When any Israelite sets up idols in his heart and puts a wicked stumbling block before his face and then goes to a prophet, I the LORD will answer him myself in keeping with his great idolatry. 5 I will do this to recapture the hearts of the people of Israel, who have all deserted me for their idols.' ....do we know what our idols are?? How to help people like the woman at the well....learn to sit in their growing awareness of who they are and let You see them....Your grace overwhelm them, not to get caught in shame or embarassment....to allow You to see and in that, see for themselves their great need for Jesus....for you to recapture their hearts......oh Abba such a dream, to sit with them.....knowing Your Grace, sitting with them in their pain to discover Your great love through knowing Christ.....

and then...and THEN in that GRACE and love ...for THEM to discover passions and gifts that will touch others that will grow Your Kingdom.......I mean, what's not to sell out for. You want US living to bring others to You....and THEN.......well watch out......

Ezekiel 8 - 11; Revelation 4

Abba I have to learn to 'talk' better...less maybe, more succinct......I don't know how to function with so much wonderful information born of a relationship with You and not be able to give it away.

I think I am becoming softer and in that softness more loving....I think
I think I am becoming braver and maybe more risky, still scared to death but some braver..I think
I think there is a listening.....I think in the listening there's a hearing and I think in the hearing there is coming an obedience....but all this is just what I think.....

And then all the readings today filled w/dreadful symbolism.....and thots in my head of how close we are to that... as far as God seeing much dreadful and disturbing in us and around us.... and through Christ He extends us GRACE and asks us who have accepted Him and His Grace to extend it to others...in that extension we reach more people for You......I don't know and yet I think this is true....and if it is then what I am to do is simple but oh so hard.......and I will absolutely need softness...love....bravery...risk....to listen...to hear...to obey...

Ezekiel 1-3; Revelations 2

Yet another Prophet told to go give Your words to a stubborn people...yiyiyi

You say don't be afraid because there is much danger and yet You are with us....and really there is nothing here to really hurt us.....yi yi yi yi yi

I got to share some of this w/a dear friend...I mean this gal seeks You with her whole heart and is willing to seek You through some really crappy stuff. So while it is easy to share with her I will remember it is about sharing it with others in love....simply share with them the story of You in my life...yi yi yi

Jeremiah 52; Revelation 1; Psalm 143 - 144

Immediate oooooh reaction to Revelation, and then 12X in the intro Eugene Peterson uses the word Worship...it being a book about worship and I realize how little I understand about it as a noun or a verb......in corporate worship where I am uncomfortable..I cross my arms with fists over my heart.....I don't even there have open hands......in looking at googleimages all hands are open,hundred, thousands of images all hands and arms wide open and........I don't.....I look at my writing here as Worship....it's about yeilding and my obvious fight against it... and maybe that's not worship?? I don't know....again so much I don't know....
Had a definite reaction in reading Jeremiah and David's Psalms about not being 'used up' and hearing You ask why I am so averse to that....so much I don't know and in that not knowing like David said I will Psalm 143: 6 I spread out my hands to you; my soul thirsts for you like a parched land.

I will see myself today as close fisted wanting what I want and open up to whatever is You seek to give me....broken hearted and so afraid and yet.....thirsty

Jeremiah 50 & 51; 3 John 1

I wish I had someone to ask me about my journey....I write here because I don't. I know my fault and yet I don't know how to change, to be different, to be approachable......so I write here and share my heart.....and it's not that I am lonely all the time....in being curious about others there is much interaction. I think of the people in LA...Dara saying all of them looking for someone to listen to them, to connect with, her familiarity with the loneliness there and I wonder how prevalent it is in other places. I know in LA there is a mindset of having to DO so much in order to MAKE things happen, so does that add to their loneliness??
Here in the Midwest a mindset of getting ahead or maybe simply staying afloat....wanting so much for their families.....at least that was mine years ago...wanting them to be successful...and now...now all I want is for each of them to Know Christ and engage in THAT journey....
I wonder how to start more DG groups, engaging people with Your Word, trusting that in THAT engagement there will be movement...been praying for years for a Holy Spirit movment.....movement in them, in their relationship w/Christ...their marriages and families....friendships.....now how to be able to be a part of that movement...Praying and listening I guess.....I can't give away anything I don't have and in reading Jeremiah this morning there will come that time when in being broken where we seek and IF I live in knowing Your comfort maybe that offer will mean more...I don't know...just realizing more and more that Your plan for us is so far from our understanding and seeking that understanding making life much more risky and exciting.....maybe in the loneliness I am learning to lean into THAT more than anything else???? And maybe.....I will just BE more lonely and understand Your joy and comfort more??? I don't know....I don't know.....and that not knowing keeps me seeking You....dependent on Your Son...Your Spirit......dependent and soft even while being afraid.

Jeremiah 37-39; Psalm 79; 2 John

Jeremiah 37:3 "Please pray to the Lord our God for us."...King to Jeremiah.....knowing his people and afraid to let them see his desire to follow God, to lead people, his people to obedience. I can do that..pray for others.

Prophets were lucky...blessed to actually HEAR You and yet life for them w/people...not so blessed. We can be so convinced that NOW is important and forget eternity with You. Doing NOW what looks weird, to live then....and yet in Christ we are forgiven....
NOT to live for now...
Abba I don't know how.

It's not about who follows -

I so want to lead people to Your Word, these Discovering God studies are so exciting. Simply gathering with friends or family and opening it and reading and talking about and going into I wills, allowing (?) Your Spirit to guide our choices (?)
in our neighborhood
The Group

Just follow You - I hear You Abba I hear you

2 John 6 Love means following his commandments and his unifying commandment is that you conduct your lives in love. That is the first thing you heard, and nothing has changed.

Jeremiah 33 & 34; Psalm 74; 1 John 5

Back from LA and while it was a great visit, time with my daugther so good, so amazing to love her.... I was so glad to be home....It's a different city, running on an energy that while palpable...I am not quite sure I trust....It's about getting what you want and in order to do that you run, here, there...everywhere, trying to line it up and out and......it seems you have to DO all this to get...to MAKE HAPPEN what you want. I get lost in it and fall into doing it with them. I get lost in thinking maybe they're right...but in my heart I keep asking where is faith and trust and......so I love LA and yet I hate it.

So what do I read right out of the gate this AM.....Jer. 33: 1 While Jeremiah was still confined in the courtyard of the guard, the word of the LORD came to him a second time: 2 "This is what the LORD says, he who made the earth, the LORD who formed it and established it—the LORD is his name: 3 'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.' 4 For this is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says about the houses in this city and the royal palaces of Judah that have been torn down to be used against the siege ramps and the sword 5 in the fight with the Babylonians : 'They will be filled with the dead bodies of the men I will slay in my anger and wrath. I will hide my face from this city because of all its wickedness.

hearing it is my job to continuously be that voice to Dara and Juno...reminding them of Jesus and Your call on their lives...on all our lives.....it seems so, like running your head over and over into a brick wall....saying things that sound so simple and obvious NOW....but before I didn't want to hear, couldn't hear for hearing all my own thots....now to live a life of GRACE and LOVE and perseverance......probably sounding...
I don't know anything anymore and yet in that not knowing I come over and over back to what I do know...that Jesus died to save me.....
crap how do I live that without sounding.......
I can't care how it sounds I can only deliver it in LOVE and relentlessly keep on looking to You myself....not judging anyone.....not worrying....praying......not saying everything......remembering how little I know and yet what I do know.......

And then 1 John 5: 18 We know that anyone born of God does not continue to sin; the one who was born of God keeps him safe, and the evil one cannot harm him. 19 We know that we are children of God, and that the whole world is under the control of the evil one. 20 We know also that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding, so that we may know him who is true. And we are in him who is true—even in his Son Jesus Christ. He is the true God and eternal life.
21 Dear children, keep yourselves from idols.

....hold on...hold on.....noone said it was gonna be easy...

loving and trusting YOU...praying for them raising a beautiful new creation of Yours there....she is a beautiful woman and wants so much to follow You.....comfort her heart Abba.....or maybe I should pray do whatever it takes to bring her to Your comfort.....to rest...rest...in Your Love....and this new little one....so excited to meet him or her..so excited....I wish I were able to convey this love without sounding so darn weird...I write here so maybe in actual words meeting someone I won't.....

Jeremiah 45 - 47; Psalm 105; John 21

OK this I will to worry more about being obedient to you than fitting in...takes time and thought and prayer...hmmm why does that surprise me? Going to see my sweet, strong, beautiful pregnant daughter I want to be more thoughtful and prayerful......help me Abba to remember Your sovereignty and listen and love more than speak, unless of course I am supposed to....I will listen for Your Spirit and the beauty is...I know You're there, with her and with me.....now to rest in that...move in that......

I love this story....I have been thinking on this interaction alot. Remembering, even dreaming that You have a plan for me, the emotion that comes up is overwhelming. All I do is see Your work in others and dream of a plan for me...I know I know more and ever more about me...and here to see Peter the same, after betraying his Christ, forgiven and STILL worrying abuot John instead of looking to Jesus......there is HOPE...there is GRACE

John 21: 15 When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?"
"Yes, Lord," he said, "you know that I love you."
Jesus said, "Feed my lambs."
16Again Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me?"
He answered, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you."
Jesus said, "Take care of my sheep."
17 The third time he said to him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?"
Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you."
Jesus said, "Feed my sheep. 18 I tell you the truth, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go." 19 Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, "Follow me!"
20 Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them. (This was the one who had leaned back against Jesus at the supper and had said, "Lord, who is going to betray you?") 21 When Peter saw him, he asked, "Lord, what about him?"
22 Jesus answered, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me." 23 Because of this, the rumor spread among the brothers that this disciple would not die. But Jesus did not say that he would not die; he only said, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you?"
24 This is the disciple who testifies to these things and who wrote them down. We know that his testimony is true. 25 Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written.

Jeremiah 23-26;35-36; John 20

23 years Jeremiah speaking God's word to a people who wouldn't listen...religious leaders distorting God's Words.
Not much has changed - no new words from You because your Word is timeless and our hearts are still stubborn and we...no I yearn to FIT more than to obey. 23 years...so much discouragement and yet he couldn't stop, the message was THAT important....

Jesus always asked the obvious...because it is all so obvious and it is only our stubborn hearts that won't believe and we when we begin.....to see - hear - understand the obvious He never says I told you so and neither should I...our first taste of GRACE???

So Abba please help me to not give up and to in the persistent consistency of pointing to You, Jesus be more and more GRACE filled....
filled with FAITH at Your protection - be more and more risky in relationships...

a stubborn heart CAN'T hear....remember that...remember mine.

I will work more to obey than to fit....and Your greatest command??

But the Pharisees, when they heard that he had silenced the Sadducees, gathered themselves together. One of them, a lawyer, asked him a question, testing him. "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the law?"
Jesus said to him, "'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the first and great commandment. A second likewise is this, 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' The whole law and the prophets depend on these two commandments."
Matthew 22:34-40

2 Kings 24; Jeremiah 22; Psalm 112; John 18

@lyndseyperry Miss Millie flipping thru my Bible beside me as I journal, reading aloud, "Jesus saved the world today!" Yes, sweet girl, He did!

My daughter twittered this first thing this morning and it made my heart smile. It's not about preaching to our children it's about living and them watching us....it's not about us explaining the unexplainable (or so it seems), it's about living in the wonder of it and believing in it and being changed by it...it's not about beating someone up with the Word, it's about being changed from the inside out by it ourselves......it's not about having to be perfect.... it's about learning to live in the imperfection and brokenness in Your Grace....
I forget that so quickly and begin to look for everything but You...

I want to live dependent on my Christ....Your Spirit...Your Word.....and in that dependence become more loving and about others...all others....

Jeremiah 13 - 15; John 15

I need help today Abba....

help me to care more for others than myself...to reach out more than look to be reached out to....

the pain of seeing myself is real and the brokenness is painful and would love to do just about anything to get away from it....so help me to not run....to not hide

to see no fruit.....maybe Nouwen is right and I need to hold there...We have been called to be fruitful—not successful, not productive, not accomplished. Success comes from strength, stress, and human effort. Fruitfulness comes from vulnerability and the admission of our own weakness.— Henri Nouwen

Jeremiah 10-12; John 14

A morning with women still all of us learning the Discovering God process and in Genesis 3 talking about Eve, the serpent, the curse, hiding.....just struck with how often in the past I have begged Dan to lead and then cut him off at the knees......talking to strong women about what or how it might look if we lived as God desires for us and yet took away from us....or what appears to have been taken from us....and then this song was on the radio as I drove away.....and You do, You will lead us...our men....if we simply ask....and don't hide in the waiting for the answer.

And then John this morning, the promise Jesus made to his disciples...to us that in believing in Him we have a way to the Father and that the Holy Spirit......is here to help us...
John 14 Jesus Promises the Holy Spirit
15"If you love me, you will obey what I command. 16And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever— 17 the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. 18 I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. 19 Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. 20 On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. 21Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him."
22Then Judas (not Judas Iscariot) said, "But, Lord, why do you intend to show yourself to us and not to the world?"
23 Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. 24 He who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me.
25 "All this I have spoken while still with you. 26 But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. 27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
28 "You heard me say, 'I am going away and I am coming back to you.' If you loved me, you would be glad that I am going to the Father, for the Father is greater than I. 29I have told you now before it happens, so that when it does happen you will believe. 30 I will not speak with you much longer, for the prince of this world is coming. He has no hold on me, 31 but the world must learn that I love the Father and that I do exactly what my Father has commanded me. "Come now; let us leave.

so these 'I wills' are obedience....I can't do them, even think of them without Your Spirit and this morning it was clear that in showing me I make everything about me, that brokenness I need to see and stay in or I will continue this way and more and more I don't want to...truth is tho Abba I don't know how to stop.....but with Your help I can.....and then maybe loving all others will come more supernaturally...so I will when everything becomes about me STOP and ask for Your help and stop fighting / hiding from that truth .

Jeremiah 7-19; John 13

It's gonna take a lonnnnng time, we probably won't see it BUT God is gonna do it!!

After a meeting this AM with others concerned for SA, the conditions for orphans, AIDS....that's all I can think of It's gonna take a lonnnnnng time, we probably won't see it BUT God is gonna do it!!. It's taken a long time to get where they're at and gonna take a long time to help them discover....follow Christ OUT of it.
And that if we as wealthy Americans are made more and more aware and send our $$ over to help the orphans and IF we as followers of Christ can see , begin to see the bigger picture....the culture will with prayer and a consistent pointing to God, to Christ...change. At least that's the HOPE I have this morning. When people like David Broodryk commit their lives to that HOPE and others of us partner with him there and here.....it will change..... Derek and Shea are spending 2 years of their lives over there helping to bring / introduce / encourage that change...

I have a friend here, he and his wife are leveraging everything to change the way families in our area can raise their kids in Christ. They may not see the fruits of their labor BUT I know You are going to do great things in their dream. It's not just kids in South Africa who are raised without Christ, heck I raised mine not knowing any other way, not being willing to entertain the idea that the God of the universe was worth trusting with my family. sounds so stupid now but then I didn't know.....and that they are going to commit their lives to helping families, pointing families to that WAY.....

Jeremiah a fire in his bones to bring people into a knowlege of God, a knowledge of how very far they/we get from Your desires for us....I am no Jeremiah and there are no prophets who get to preach anything other than Christ....and His power.....and with the Holy Spirit and delving into Your Word we can know Your desires for us to give up all of our little gods, our concern for self (battling that all the time) and through faith in God thru Christ love others all others and in that love You will be shown.....that You trusted us with this is absolutely ridiculous and yet what else do we hope for.

Jesus sat with his disciples and simply trusted His Father with all of it and we can do no less.....again that You trusted us is ridiculous and yet the more and more I with childlike wonder and faith trust You, Your Son, Your Spirit......to know YOU ARE GONNA DO IT!

Jeremiah 5 & 6; John 12

The stuff I try to control and that I convince myself the innocence in that.....telling myself what's wrong with simply needing to know....realizing more and more that it IS in the powerlessness and battling against that I need Your grace....

Jeremiah 6: 16 This is what the LORD says:"Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls. But you said, 'We will not walk in it.'

I have read Your word for years now and gleaned what brought me closer to You. I'm not sure how much of it I tried to walk in, the simplicity of it...the plainness of words like forgive and follow and humble yourself, to name but a few.....I don't want to in another 5 years realize I took Your word for what it could do for me......

John 12: 42 Yet at the same time many even among the leaders believed in him. But because of the Pharisees they would not confess their faith for fear they would be put out of the synagogue; 43 for they loved praise from men more than praise from God.

This gets me this morning....and I know You already know it. I am not to preach but I am to confess my faith and in living focused on Jesus maybe that would simply happen. There are so many I alienated by a preaching.......alienated or just embarassed myself?? That I don't know how to do it cannot define me....that I want to be understood more than be seen as in love w/Jesus does......

Jeremiah 3-4; John 11

In reading Jeremiah this morning struck HARD with how HARD it is supposed to be, how hard we've made it, make it..... Living our lives without You, digging our own cisterns....making mistake after mistake / failure and failure and coping in ways without YOU with the reality of those failures......the turning back while it could be easy...is simple but HARD.....
being unmerciful we don't have a clue about Your mercy....
not understanding GRACE we are staggered by Yours......

I am struck w/my need to stop dreaming.......to put my nose to the grindstone and work....stop thinking and start obeying......

Help me because You know how truly stubborn and willful I am.....

His trip was amazing.....he prayed more than he ever had, and came home committed to praying even more.....we sat on the deck for 3 hours and I listened and was deeply curious about all of it...deeply curious and interested without jealousy.....oh, there was a twinge or two but mostly I was overwhelmed with his experience there and with You....

Habakkuk 1 - 3; John 8

Praying praying praying to be soft, about You, about him and curious....so very very curious and attentive to his adventure........this pain, hoping it is true repentance in seeing me for always and forever being about me......

grace....yes please

Habakkuk 2:4.....but the righteous will live by his faith.

So I don't get to know much and yet what I do know can help me make different decisions in the waiting.....faith

vs. 14 For the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the LORD, as the waters cover the sea.

All of John 8 this morning fills me with anticipation......joy.....some fear, that in the knowing I will continue to live as tho I don't......and yet in the pain of this recent repentance, so broken and soft....vulnerable even

fear at being so vulnerable I am being set up for ....... but more fear at missing whatever it is You have....a freedom maybe I have never known.....

John 8: 31 To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. 32 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

wonder what living really free would be like...please I don't want to run away from it....

2 Kings 23; 2 Chronicles 35; John 7

Another great morning w/the Discovering God study it's so cool to simply stay on maybe 4 or 5 verses, this morning like 20 and just see what You have to say and I absolutely love that YOU do have something to say and when we take the time to just light there and listen...really listen...it's heard. Now what are we going to DO with what we hear becomes the bigger question, the 'I will's' are cool and just really infect your brain and your heart with a new awareness I guess is the word...a new awareness of His not only speaking but asking you for your obedience..it's cool. and even cooler to think that people all over the world, in 3rd world countries are doing the same thing....praying for, been praying for a Holy Spirit awareness for all of us....

so then I read in 2 Kings and 2 Chronicles, kind of the same thing..discovering Your Word and it's power in their lives...how far from it they had drifted. It's nothing new....it doesn't change. We do what we want to do and try to bring You into it instead of trusting You and doing things Your way....and so we keep on 'thirsting' and trusting that Your way WILL be done...and fugetaboutit being any kind of easy......simple always but never easy....

John 7: 37 On the last and greatest day of the Feast, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, "If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. 38 Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him." 39 By this he meant the Spirit, whom those who believed in him were later to receive. Up to that time the Spirit had not been given, since Jesus had not yet been glorified.

So more praying for awareness and thirst
more simply encouraging other believers...those desireing to BE followers of Christ, to be in the Word and listen and in the listening knowing we will become more humble and approachable and loving...more thirsty
more questions than answers
more obedience

2 Kings 22; 2 Chronicles 34; John 6

he comes home in 3 days......praying to be soft and about him...curious about his trip and not shut down in jealousy the first time he describes what he did......that would be so me you know, making it about me right out of the gate, so you know Jesus, Abba, better than any how much I need to pray and come in touch with you now.....

2 Kings 22 and 2 Chron. 34 relate the story of a king of who discovers Your Word and how far from it they are.....I grew up in a church but with no personal knowledge of Christ , of Your Word and now that I know I am responsible to bring that knowledge
or maybe more a thirst for that knowledge to my kids and Grands and then...
wow what a responsiblity on them to keep on passing it on. Why do we lose it?
There was the obvious other worship and ours is more secret....no asherah poles and yet we worship other gods that we haven't identified and yet they all rest in ourselves.....
making ourselves feel better, not even realizing (?) that we have made ourselves gods (?) .
.....it's so insidious and innocent (such an insufficient word) because there is nothing innocent about it.....it's about US, always about ME.....making myself god and now in realizing that.....


and you know in reading John 6 if those who walked w/Him, experienced/witnessed His very miracles didn't get it why do I think I will.....and yet they kept walking with Him and that is what I will do......and it's in these moments of being fed by Your Word I can know it's possible...and You will do what You will do always.....and I want that

Nahum 1-3; John 5

John 5, the man didn't need the people to carry him...he may have wanted them to...when all he needed was Jesus, to obey His voice......

John 4

Just like with the 'woman at the well'...He knows me. There is no hiding from Him and in the knowing I am forgiven and extended Grace...

Unlike the woman at the well I don't know how...don't take the chance and tell others about that Grace.....

You see someone who is tired; filled w/regrets; longing to live Risky and nothing but a coward; discouraged; jealous; lonely.....

Today I will focus on the being seen and nothing else.....
desperately needing You