Ezra 1; Ps. 84 & 85; Luke 4

The tears of the woman at the table w/Jesus, enough to wash His feet. I sometimes worry about the reactions of others to my tears and this morning it hits me that that is between You and me.

In psalm 84 in one translation it says that YOU travel the roads of my heart and perhaps...my tears are when you break through something and that is a good thing.

I many times wish Abba....oh well, you know what I wish and that too is between you and me.

sent to my girls this morning...daughters and friends....
"Give your kids journeys and they will be freer than any of you ever knew. Point them to Him and trust where He will take them. Psalm 84:5

what I left unsaid and am praying big prayers for is that to TRUST You we have to know You are good and trustable.....and hoping as Mom's they realize how very important that is....love them ladies....:)

msg...Psalm 84:5-7 ^5-7 And how blessed all those in whom you live,
whose lives become roads you travel;
They wind through lonesome valleys, come upon brooks,
discover cool springs and pools brimming with rain!
niv Psalm 84:5 Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.

Daniel 11 - 12; Luke 6

I ain't no Daniel or Paul or Larry Crabb.....the things I think tho I think are influenced by them, among others.

I have a vision for all who know Christ to be so connected there....that dreams and gifts and passions are released, would be released for Your Kingdom. I have this vision because if YOU can do it for me then Abba there is noone exempt from Your love and supernatural intervention.
Now as to how that connection happens?? How does any relationship develop....time together.
To help believers and those lost experience that connection.....
I don't know how to do that, I only know how it has happened for me. So to live in that connection...loved and loving....trusting and vulnerable...believing that You are doing all things for Your Glory and danged if that's not so amazing and attractive and worth living for, leaning into...well then I don't know what is. And if dreams and passions are released and they're Yours what a movement, what a supernatural movement of Your love in every stinkin area!! Noone worrying about what anyone else is doing because they are enamored and moving where YOU want them to move......a real FREEDOM wave....Wow

And so much in Luke today.....the I wills

The Wise and Foolish Builders ⁴⁶"Why do you call me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say? ⁴⁷I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. ⁴⁸He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. ⁴⁹But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete."

Daniel 9 & 10; Psalm 123; Luke 5

Daniel 10: 12.....from the moment you decided to humble yourself to recieve understanding....

I wrestle to understand....
I kick gravestones both figuratively and metaphorically to understand...

and here I hear you say it's about humility.....vulnerable humility.....a quiet listening, maybe a waiting......then in Luke 5, about the mat carrying friends....I want to carry my friends mat...to humbly ask You Abba.....what am I to DO.....

Daniel 7 & 8; Psalm 137; Luke 4

Dan wrote me a vision letter last nite...casting vision for me of what a life of my not having a job could look like....it doesn't feel like I won't be working, it just seems as tho I won't have a job to go to and that feels weird.....
The ideas flowing through my brain are unchallenged......am I afraid to put them out there, so I put them out there here and hope and pray and try to live vulnerably enough that if someone asks i will be able to answer.....not timid and not offputtingly ......simply honestly..vulnerably humbly answer....but since I never have maybe I am dreaming......
Dan and I have been praying about this...actively pursuing economically such a decision. To be able to be available to women....hurting women.....working women...stay at home women...seeking women.....lost women.....and what the hell does that even look like??? maybe we're just crazy, maybe I am.....but his vision letter....moved me deeply....our journey's seeking God...following Christ...asking the Holy Spirit to..to ....to....guide us begging HELP to follow.....has made our life, our marriage, our family...messier and yet richer than we ever dreamed 34 years ago......how to help people seek to, surrender to that yearning for that mystery in their own lives.....and then the new Erwin McManus video CRAVE.......
so for a woman who tries not to dream to much I am dreaming of walking alongside people to finding the richness and risk and joy of a life in Christ.....preparing future generations for whatever comes.....we cannot give away what we don't have and IF we have a relationship w/Christ and rest in that profound mystery, understanding that a life is meant to be given away.......what could future generations look like, because I believe it could get worse alot worse....??

Luke 4: Jesus answered, "It is written: Worship the Lord your God and serve him only"
To help people....walk with them...wrestle with them to get to this TRUTH...oh boy Abba hanging on and praying to follow wherever You lead.

Daniel 5-6; Psalm 130; Luke 3

The things I am believing are frightening me, frigtening me in that I will not be able to contain the fire that burns. The fire that burns for LOST people to be FOUND, for people who think themselves LOST to find their way, for people to surrender into a knowing of Your Love...of Christ.....a fire that burns for all the gifts and abilities that could be released for Your Kingdom here in knowing YOU.....a fire that I keep trying to rein in because I am afraid of getting burned....

So Abba today to not be afraid of vulnerably flying the FREAK FLAG because I think you put it in me.....and if it burns knowing that You heal....

I have friends that I love and that I won't show this flag.....fear of loss of their ...of.....of their what?
If it is truly You then why would I not want them to know the hill I will die on.....that lost people matter to God......

Ezekiel 42 -43; Ezekiel 44; Revelation 22

You wanted a temple here, a place to put the soles of your feet......

and now we are Your temples.....You are renovating, breaking down all that is us so YOUR Glory can shine through......the more broken I feel the more I need You, ask You, beg You, Your Spirit and in that vulnerable humble state........maybe You shine through???

I heard come and now responsible to say come...remembering only those who are thirsty will. I cannot gauge their thirst...I am called to offer ...... only being able to give away what I have....

Ezekiel 40 & 41; Psalm 128; Revelation 21

Another day another dollar....isn't that what they say? And all I see is another day another chance, Your mercies being new every morning. So here's to a day seeking You and Your heart and following wherever that leads, vulnerably following wherever.....now I prayed this yesterday and all _____ broke loose or to this skittish mind it did...so praying it and cautiously optimistic that I can follow...supernaturally fearfully optimistic more accurate maybe.

so maybe this is for me today...Psalm 128: 1 Blessed are all who fear the LORD, who walk in his ways.

because you know as scared and broken as I felt all yesterday there was this feeling of closeness to You....definitely in the looking back, seeing it as blessed. in the moment just freakin scared and broken. Hindsight is definitely 20/20 and where I want to operate. so help me more and more to be obedient...vulnerable and obedient.

Ezekiel 38 & 39; Psalm 145; Revelation 20

I am tired of wishing I was made another way. Tired enough, frustrated enough to believe Romans 4?? I certainly hope so. Today, to NOT be stubborn..to look at all my reactions and decisions and see there a chance to be awed by You.....to react out of who I believe/know You are and not how I feel. And if Romans 4 is true...I will because of You, Your Spirit in me....

And in Ez it says there is gonna be trouble, peoples coming against you/us and in that day You will be shown good and people will know You are God. It's not about me or my successes and my calmoring for them is worthless and sinful...stubborn....disobedient. I am Yours and for Your Glory...when will I get that, I mean really get that. Oh yeah in heaven :) and here and now I seek You and Your heart over and over, in Grace, accepting Your Grace when I fail and keep on embarassing myself with looking for MY successes, my relationships...my affirmations.....what an amazing God You are and that YOU love us...love me I am praying to be obedient to whatever...wherever You take me today.

just for me to remember...after posting this got an email getting news I would have rather gotten differently......and then hubs calls to let me know of a song he heard today and I am crying, we pray point each other to You and I go to listen to the song.....

to react differently....help me Abba Help ME
http://Rebecca-St-James-Be-Still-And-Know--mp3-download.kohit.net/_/334878&id=334878

realizing yet again how ya' just have to be careful what you ask Him for. Seriously He is that into you, your life and just knows....

I wish I was clever and funny....
I wish I was brave and courageous and risky....
I'm not and then I read Romans 4....

I am redeemed no matter what I feel...I am

so gonna hold on there today.

Ezekiel 33 - 35; Revelation 18

me, stubborn......so broken and stubborn
nothing cute or attractive about it and it never changes.......and it breaks Your heart....when is that realization going to break mine??

I walked around on a freakin broken foot for 3 -4 weeks out of stubbornness......sliding that broken hurting foot into that boot felt soooo good. I do the same thing w/my Abba, knowing there is something I need to take to You or calm down about or ask You about and I don't, I stubbornly keep doing all the stuff I do.......and then when I do, turn heart and mind and soul to You there is this relief.....

vulnerability = trusting = responsively obedient = relief

I don't know if my math is right.....
I just know seeing my Daddy, my earthly Daddy sitting in his chair trapped by his stubbornness was frightening. Trapped by his thinking, desperately wanting to be connected with but unwilling to make any connections....past hurts blocking trying...in the past people (ie me) disrespecting his opinions....... Stubbornly fighting against the connections people try to make......lonely....broken and stubborn .....My Mom says she sees an angry old man...I just see broken and stubborn.......to love him as You lead.

Ezekiel.....I am responsible to say what I think, vulnerably, humbly say it...I will have the conversation You know I am dreading Abba....with Your guidance and me following.

Lamentations 3 - 5; Revelation 15

A book of sadness and yet Jeremiah never stays in it...His HOPE is in You.

And you know, I want to LIVE that hope....live it, breathe it, give it away and to do that I must stay connected to You and in that connection is so much LIFE. And who know maybe someday I will be able to communicate how truly life alteringly amazing THAT is.....maybe :)

Lamentations 1 & 2; Obadiah 1; Revelation 14

vulnerability.....................hell no

I have experienced the vulnerability of others....so attractive

To be vulnerable - I'm NOT and if what I believe to be true, not being able to give away what I don't have, how do I expect to continue to be on the receiving end of one's being vulnerable?
Only w/my head in Your hands recieving all that I need from You will I EVER be able to BE vulnerable.
Confident of Your protection knowing full well the dangers all around - trusting You and maybe in THAT trust people trust me w/their vulnerability?????

Judah's refusal to surrender, to vulnerably stay where God told them to stay...

And then Revelations...this verse seemingly speaking right to me...Rev. 14: 12 This calls for patient endurance on the part of the saints who obey God's commandments and remain faithful to Jesus.

so today....here

Jeremiah this morning people begging him to ask God what to do and promising they'd do it....

they didn't.

Please Abba to LISTEN and OBEY....Dan and I both praying to listen and obey

A seeking heart He never denies.....

2 Kings 25; 2 Chronicles 36; Jeremiah 40-41; Revelation 12

When I stop fighting against the voices I hear and fight to hear Yours...it's so much better. I don't think I need to fight against anymore and yet THAT is the most natural....I don't really know how to fight FOR anything.....that being said this weekend was amazing. Watching Book of Eli with Dan....ok that movie the way Eli just followed, just KNEW where he was supposed to go, not a destination really, just knew where he was supposed to go......time w/the family camping in the backyard, an amazing SG/DG experience Saturday nite before that and yesterday an amazing ride w/hubs planning or more dreaming of what we could do IF we truly decide to be about following disasters...ministering to those in the midst of natural chaos. And when we talk about it...to BE on the same page is so exciting and makes me afraid to count on it BUT to dream....ahh to dream....it is after all about fulfilling Your purpose, Your plan, Your Word but to dream in that trusting that, not the dream and yet to dream .....And while waiting and dreaming, to encourage others, all others to seek You...because dang Abba seeking You is filled w/everything that makes life interesting, if not kind of risky and scary.....So kind of an amazing weekend, and long too, double bonus.

Ezekiel 22-24; Revelation 9

Thank You Daddy for yesterday, filled w/conversations where I HAD to be asking You 'what now?'....living passionately for me / for all (?) looks differently and You tie us all together for Your purpose and GLORY...:)

"it' was in Eli (the Book of Eli) and his regret at not 'living' 'it'..I don't want that regret Abba...Your purpose and Glory...

"you will know that I am God"...wonder how many times ....100+??? Desperate...no INSISTENT that we know You, not of You...YOU

Ezekiel 23 left to our own whoring stupid choices.....

Insistent we know You for Your glory and our good....for Your GLORY

How to live this day in knowing You are God...passionate without caring where the passion takes me BECAUSE it's You - passion feels poweful, giving courage
dependent on You
where does it go??
It becomes about me and I forget, I lust, I whore after what I want
to BE a communicator
when Your call is to BE a LISTENER- to others, to You is about You...Your call to LISTEN

Ezekiel 20 & 21; Psalm 111; Revelation 8

Read this
Go read this...
I love that this... But, as I’ve spent the weeks after reading the book immersing myself in learning God’s character, I know God will follow through with his promises to me.... happened for her....maybe read it...read the Bible....spend time listening to and for Him...

this morning reading Ezekiel and the Psalm I was struck with my desire for others to know You...struck that in this passion, You will do what You will do and all I have to do is live passionate. You will teach me how to speak all of it with Love because You are my Daddy and Your desire is for all to know You, Your Son, be led by Your Spirit....So today I will not be afraid to BE passionate for You.

THIS

is where I will be today....I will ass end maybe wigglin, head in Your hands, looking at You...not mistrusting myself or those around me...trusting You and Your lead...because then and only then can I BE vulnerable and today I said "I will" BE vulnerable...yi yi yi yi yi

Ezekiel 15 &16; Psalm 70; Revelation 6

I hear the voice this morning telling me I'm ' a joke'...that all this I am believing is....
I hear my story is nothing and I believe it, being the elder brother......it just sometimes it's harder to believe than others.....

have this vision of the Elder Brother being like a house that looks good on the outside but inside it is beyond trashed...mold....disgusting mold and mildew destroying walls and ceiling...floors.... never being renovated because noone ever sees the horrendous conditions...
while the Prodigal is falling down and everyone wants to see it restored....

so to quiet the voice that calls me a joke......to allow the ultimate redeemer to work at the restoration ....to seek You today and nothing else.....

Psalm 70: 4 But may all who seek you

rejoice and be glad in you;

may those who love your salvation always say,

"Let God be exalted!"
5 Yet I am poor and needy;

come quickly to me, O God.

You are my help and my deliverer;

O LORD, do not delay.