Ephesians 6

All I can see is what I can't do...please Father give me a hope for what I can...

Today I want to run away
Today I need to stay

The confusion is rife and wicked
I hear it cannot be You
So how do I find clarity, when all around I sense pain

So what is clarity?
How do we live without it?
Is it a life focusing on You that brings it or does it simply bring an ability to live in the confusion without confusing others?

Msg. vs. 10-12 And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels.
13-18 Be prepared. You're up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it's all over but the shouting you'll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You'll need them throughout your life. God's Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other's spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.

Mark 16

Had the day off yesterday and probably worked harder than I do at my actual job. It was a good day with my husband and we got alot of cleaning done for the Fall Clean UP. Where you set things out on the curb with the guarantee that either someone will look at your junk as treasure and take it OR the garbage man WILL TAKE IT FOR SURE. Felt good to clear out junk, actually remove stuff from the basement and garage.

Clearing out junk....I have alot inside to clear out and see some progress but as soon as I see it, I see another pile of junk to get out. Amazing daughter Lynz today rattled my world with a simple change of wording....'why shouldn't they' to 'why wouldn't they'....such a small word change and yet a real thought change.....gonna give me some good stuff to wrestle with today...

vs. 4 But when they looked up, they saw that the stone, which was very large, had been rolled away....God did it, does it...

vs. 8 Trembling and bewildered, the women went out and fled from the tomb. They said nothing to anyone, because they were afraid.

He still said....vs. 15 He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation.

Ephesians 5

Good stuff here this morning....

and then the question I am in the middle of why…..where did I get the idea we/I was ‘entitled’ to that ‘happy ending’….??...watching that get ripped away from people sucks, or just figuring out that life is messy..... but then I come back to the wondering of why the hell did I think they/we were ever entitled to it, a life without mess ……??

msg vs. 1-2 Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that.

.....maybe IF I knew how to love like that... see I don't see any 'entitlement' here...it's all about loving and giving everything without expecting or 'feeling entitled' to anything in return.....much in this chapter to wrestle with today and REST in. He loves us why is that never enough....???

niv vs. 20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ

so today give thanks.....
8:35 am that I have a Father who gave me this love-letter/treasure map when I become so obsessed with me, reminds me what is important.....so I am thankful for His word
I am thankful for my husband...my children, my children's significant others....my grandchildren....
I am thankful for our extended families
I am thankful for my friends
I am thankful for my church
I am thankful that God IS creative enough to have made us have seasons because IF I had it my way it would be 85 and sunny all the time. And though I hate to admit it, right now is a gorgeous time of year...
I am thankful for my job
8:50 am
I am thankful for bloggers who encourage
bloggers who inspire
bloggers who are so honest and naked
bloggers who challenge
bloggers who constantly entertain me, she cooks too.
9:30 am
I am thankful that God gives me chance after chance and never leaves or gives up on me
10:15 am
I am thankful I work at a place where Kids are #1
I am thankful for comments that encourage me
I am thankful for coffee, it's cold here today and that helps to warm me
I am thankful for days off...tomorrow (have to go to the Dr. but still after that whoo hoo)
10:45 am
I am thankful my kids know the value of a journey
I am thankful Dara is coming home for Christmas
I am thankful Heather shared about her family fun nites and inspired me to try it with my family.
I am thankful we are having a Halloween Party Sunday nite. Emma and I are secretly planning.
11:30 am
I am thankful this stinkin election is almost over
I am thankful that people tell their stories and that I am given the privilege to listen
I am thankful for left-overs for lunch and a break to go home and enjoy them
I am thankful I live and serve in a community of people that desperately want to follow Christ, we screw up, often.... but that THAT is our driving force makes me very grateful...
I am thankful for our motorcycle...memories of our trips make me happy
12:30 pm
..........my son just dropping by my work....I am thankful for his smile
1:45 pm
did i mention I am thankful for my job...
getting out of the building, going home for lunch
2:30 pm
I am thankful my husband in on such an amazing journey, just thinking about him brings a smile to my face.
I am thankful my Grandkids are healthy and so full of life and humor.
I am thankful we have a home and are attempting to live within our means after years of living oblivious and over it.
I am thankful God continues to place people in my life who encourage and challenge and inspire
I am thankful for churches who wake people up to the fact that life IS NOT ABOUT US
I am thankful for people who don't just dream BUT DO things to help others
....after being on vacation riding on the motorcycle on incredible roads cut through and around mountains, I am thankful for the people who knew how to do such things. And for the wisdom of those who know how to get them paid for. We live in an incredible country. Oh and Mt. Rushmore WOW thankful for the people God gave incredible artistic gifts to, not limited to any area of art I am blown away by other people's creativity...and by His. Have you seen the Grand Canyon, really looked at a peacock....
btw I am thankful I have been to Kauai.....where this shot was taken.
I am thankful to be able to travel by motorcycle. Thankful that my husband is such an amazing rider and wonderful travel companion. Did I mention I am thankful for my husband..
I am thankful for all the servicemen overseas and for their families here who miss them. I am more than grateful for those who find it a calling to serve in this way.

Mark 15

I am disappointed this morning.
disappointed that people are / have been hurt
disappointed that people hurt other people, that I hurt people, that I have been hurt
disappointed that everyone is so about themselves that the cycle won’t end
disappointed that I am all about me
disappointed that I am so impatient to see You work
disappointed that in that impatience I miss seeing You work
disappointed that we who profess to love Christ make no difference in the world, no,that's not true, disappointed that I make no difference in the world, in the relationships I am in the middle of, being so much about me
disappointed that I remain an emotional child when it comes to relationships
disappointed that I am so scared of my emotional responses I don't relate well to others disappointed that labels sting, that I have stung and been stung
disappointed that this never seems to change
disappointed that we can’t hear each other, that I have not heard nor been heard
disappointed that I care so much about what others think
disappointed that THAT drives me more than a desire to love
disappointed that I profess to know Him, to have his love letter and refuse to trust Him
disappointed that I talk RISK and look for safety
disappointed that I think I deserve to feel safe
disappointed and broken this morning….just very disappointed and broken and praying to stay this way and yet fighting it every step of the way
And then this morning the reading is Mark 15
I am disappointed I don't know what I would have done if I had been there.......
So to live in the disappointments. Not dwell in them LIVE in them, moving always towards You and the HOPE of Christ......

http://brownbagrevolution.com/ find a way to be a part of this or start it in your own community.

Ephesians 2

Read your love letter....
Dig out your treasure map....
Discover your passion......
Getting all caught up in what I believe trying to encourage in others what I am simply supposed to live. I write here in the hopes someone who is lost, feeling lost, discovering they want to be found begin a journey.
God does the saving vs. 8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. 10 For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
So now to simply live what I believe.......22 And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit.

Mark 8

If our passions are from God we can trust our passions....I think ER McManus said something like this and this morning I am pondering/wrestling with it.

My passion is wanting other people to FIND their passions. And if the above is true then it must be something accomplishable or at least worth putting all my energy behind. I have a heart for hurting women, for people who've been hurt. My passion says IF they seek YOU they will find healing for their hearts, they will discover their passions. I have a belief that the bible is a valuable tool, an actual love letter, a tangible TREASURE MAP to that discovery. And it's your treasure, He's a creative personal God who gave you a passion that is different than mine. Might be that our passions work together but this God, our amazing FATHER is creative and big enough to have given each person their very own and THAT passion is going to work to bring Him glory.... I think I am supposed to live out that belief....I wonder,ponder, wrestle with the truth in that belief.

msg vs.

34-37 Calling the crowd to join his disciples, he said, "Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat; I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to saving yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? What could you ever trade your soul for?

38"If any of you are embarrassed over me and the way I'm leading you when you get around your fickle and unfocused friends, know that you'll be an even greater embarrassment to the Son of Man when he arrives in all the splendor of God, his Father, with an army of the holy angels."

I wonder, ponder, wrestle because I am not willing to follow.....I insist on like a child running ahead and You clearly say FOLLOW and what that will cost.

And in the mess of pondering comes all these emotions....

I need a friend to call me right now and tell me it’s gonna be ok...I need someone to love me even when I am weird.....I need someone to love me because I am weird...I need to cry and someone to let me.....I need to feel accepted......I need to feel valued and affirmed, like I'm not so far off track as to be worthless....
That’s what I am this morning a mess of emotions and emotions pass right? And if you called or comment to say any of what I think I need I wouldn't believe you....
And He’s saying rest in me….follow me….surrender to me....not a word speaking to what I need or maybe that IS what I need and I want the other……

1 Samuel 17

This promise of intimacy is both right and wrong. There is an intimacy with God, but it's like any other intimacy; it's part of the fabric of your life. In marriage you don't feel intimate most of the time. Nor with a friend. Intimacy isn't primarily a mystical emotion. It's a way of life, a life of openness, honesty, a certain transparency………Eugene Peterson

I keep reading this quote and being alternately inspired and challenged by it. The way my husband and I are living right now seems to be bringing us this intimacy. There are coming to be more opportunities to discuss where God is in our lives. Is that because we are seeking Him or just an overall maturity read: age and experience thing. We don’t know, what we do know is bringing Him more and more into the center of our lives has created so many amazing challenges, challenging relationships, relational opportunities. Bringing Him more…that sounds ridiculous as what we are learning is HE THE CENTER, always has been always will be…but you get what I mean or don’t……

45-47 David answered, "You come at me with sword and spear and battle-ax. I come at you in the name of God-of-the-Angel-Armies, the God of Israel's troops, whom you curse and mock. This very day God is handing you over to me. I'm about to kill you, cut off your head, and serve up your body and the bodies of your Philistine buddies to the crows and coyotes. The whole earth will know that there's an extraordinary God in Israel. And everyone gathered here will learn that God doesn't save by means of sword or spear. The battle belongs to God—he's handing you to us on a platter!"

David’s confidence, a result of his intimacy with God??
The battle belongs to God that’s for sure but it is still ours now to….fight?
I don’t know….fight sounds so combative…if You are a God of love how do we fight, do we fight…..
I long to have answers and find only more questions but the questions sure do take me to seeking You and in that seeking, developing that intimacy, confidence in You grows……
I pray to be like David ready to do what YOU ask.
I pray to live eyes wide open moving and without blinking respond.
I pray to in recognizing fear overcome it..??..I don't know I simply know that seeking You and Your word makes me want 'it' more and more.....

here's someone who doesn't blink......

Galatians 6

So this morning...

I can't describe it no matter how much I want to. To try, minimizes what You are trying to do. And boy do You know how badly I want to describe it.......but more than THAT I want to be a part of what YOU are trying to do in my husband, in me.

1-3 Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day's out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ's law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived.

4-5 Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't be impressed with yourself. Don't compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.

6 Be very sure now, you who have been trained to a self-sufficient maturity, that you enter into a generous common life with those who have trained you, sharing all the good things that you have and experience.

7-8 Don't be misled: No one makes a fool of God. What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others—ignoring God!—harvests a crop of weeds. All he'll have to show for his life is weeds! But the one who plants in response to God, letting God's Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life.

9-10 So let's not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don't give up, or quit. Right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith.

11-13 Now, in these last sentences, I want to emphasize in the bold scrawls of my personal handwriting the immense importance of what I have written to you. These people who are attempting to force the ways of circumcision on you have only one motive: They want an easy way to look good before others, lacking the courage to live by a faith that shares Christ's suffering and death. All their talk about the law is gas. They themselves don't keep the law! And they are highly selective in the laws they do observe. They only want you to be circumcised so they can boast of their success in recruiting you to their side. That is contemptible!

14-16 For my part, I am going to boast about nothing but the Cross of our Master, Jesus Christ. Because of that Cross, I have been crucified in relation to the world, set free from the stifling atmosphere of pleasing others and fitting into the little patterns that they dictate. Can't you see the central issue in all this? It is not what you and I do—submit to circumcision, reject circumcision. It is what God is doing, and he is creating something totally new, a free life! All who walk by this standard are the true Israel of God—his chosen people. Peace and mercy on them!

17 Quite frankly, I don't want to be bothered anymore by these disputes. I have far more important things to do—the serious living of this faith. I bear in my body scars from my service to Jesus.

18 May what our Master Jesus Christ gives freely be deeply and personally yours, my friends. Oh, yes!

Jeff as usual says it so well. If you haven't read his book do so.....seriously read it and pass it around. This journey is meant to be shared.

Mark 4

Went to bed 'annoyed' last nite.....annoyed and tired and feeling drained.....and the correct answer is 'all about me'.....hubs told me I am much more attractive NOT ANNOYED, he was kidding 'sort of'.......so today how to find joy again....how to find forgiveness and perserverance and You again......because You didn't, don't leave......

So to read about the disciples walking w/Jesus, being taught by Him and their failure to 'get it' His calling them to vs. 9"Are you listening to this? Really listening?"

I am just fatigued and annoyed today......how now to make that about face and be forgiven.....

vs. 10-12 When they were off by themselves, those who were close to him, along with the Twelve, asked about the stories. He told them, "You've been given insight into God's kingdom—you know how it works. But to those who can't see it yet, everything comes in stories, creating readiness, nudging them toward receptive insight. These are people— Whose eyes are open but don't see a thing, Whose ears are open but don't understand a word, Who avoid making an about-face and getting forgiven."

1 Samuel 3

msg. vs.10.......Samuel answered, "Speak. I'm your servant, ready to listen."

Ready to listen...am I ? Are you?

Already had a couple of conversations IF I wasn't ready to listen I would have missed. I don't want to freakin listen you know I want to be listened to......and there it is, the truth and the more I see it, the more that selfishness breaks my heart.... perhaps the better I LEARN TO LISTEN...

Psalm 119

We are keeping the GRANDS this week and while it is alot of work, more to our liking at 20 years of age rather than 50+ ...we are enjoying the heck out of the experience.
Today Papa is taking them to a Kids Rodeo and tomorrow we are taking them to a Pumpkin Patch. Last nite was McDonalds and a football game.
Gabes, imagine 12+ 3 year olds...a small football, flags and FUN. The very first play of the game Gabe was lined up on Offense the ball is 'snapped' the quarterback takes off running...TOUCH DOWN and both offensive and defensive lines are still standing there looking at each other. It was so much fun, even Emma and Millie enjoyed watching.
There is still alot of chaos around the drama from earlier this week and I hate calling it 'drama' but it is what it is I guess. Whenever things don't go the way we think they will or should the chaos that ensues becomes drama. You know this about us and love us still and if we can only figure out how to do the same with each other....love and extend and receive grace perhaps .....well perhaps in the processing of the drama, growth occurs and we all come to want what YOU want MORE than anything....
(msg) vs. 1 You're blessed when you stay on course, walking steadily on the road revealed by God......so we can't see the road until it's revealed at least when it comes to a chaotic drama filled one? We can know somewhat but we can't fully know until it is revealed by You and in the following, staying on course we learn to trust what we don't yet see.....
And then, then you read the rest of the psalm and see how far we are from where You wanted us, how far we go to what we want rather than ever even beginning to trust or look for what You want. And that You love us still and restore and redeem and .... guide all who know You to live like we do......

vs.169-176 Let my cry come right into your presence, God;provide me with the insight that comes only from your Word. Give my request your personal attention, rescue me on the terms of your promise. Let praise cascade off my lips; after all, you've taught me the truth about life! And let your promises ring from my tongue; every order you've given is right. Put your hand out and steady me since I've chosen to live by your counsel. I'm homesick, God, for your salvation; I love it when you show yourself! Invigorate my soul so I can praise you well, use your decrees to put iron in my soul. And should I wander off like a lost sheep—seek me! I'll recognize the sound of your voice.

So much of what we 'think' we see colors what is really there.........dealing with broken people how do we think we can ever see the truth....???

Galatians 3

There's alot of stuff going on for the people around me, people I love and admire and respect and care about. The mess of life can be just that, so damn messy. I want to FIX it, make it better and all I hear in my head and heart is...It's what we trust in but don't yet see that keeps us going...I can't fix or help at all,so crazy to think I can....I HAVE to, HAVE to focus on You, on what I don't see and TRUST that You are working this out......
So that means I come here and beg You to quiet my heart, my mind.....much comfort in reading today as far as a relationship with You...we get so much from a relationship through Christ with this amazing God. Not to make it any easier in our relationships here on earth but to know that no matter how we screw up here there is hope....IF we .....hope comes when we trust in what we don't see.....
I know all the players in this most recent drama KNOW You and that hope, right now there is simply pain and disappointment and feelings of being betrayed.....I can do nothing but love them, all of them and focus on You....speak maybe but mostly just listen...trusting in what I don't see...

I read books and blog and see movies very diverse.
I remember HAVING to read HAVING to go to the movies, the silence was beyond anything I could stand. My mind raced and I pouted and whined.( btw I still pout and whine)
I remember someone asking if I didn't maybe read too much
I remember wanting to KNOW Christ
I remember coming to Christ
I remember thinking those phrases were beyond my understanding
I remember thinking people who used those phrases were judgemental freaks
I remember never wanting to EVER use them in my vocabulary
I remember feeling judged
I remember thinking everyone was judgemental but me
I remember realizing I am judgemental
I remember being surprised by that
I remember thinking I was tolerant
I remember finding out I was tolerant
I remember thinking being tolerant meant I LOVED more and better than others
I remember being frightened of the bible, of people who read the bible thinking they were intolerant and judgemental
I remember reading the bible for the first time and finding it was hard to read
I remember finding out it was easy to read
I remember that getting from hard to easy meant spending time doing it
I remember wanting to read it, falling in love with reading it
I remember not having enough time to do everything I thought I had to do
I remember being unable to sleep
I remember racing thoughts
I remember being depressed and wanting to run away
I remember when I realized that I didn’t have to physically run away to escape
I remember judging those who did run away
I remember being jealous of them
I remember discovering that even though I was physically there, I was long gone
I remember wanting people to befriend me
I remember wanting people to hug me
I remember wanting to FIT somewhere
I remember working to FIT everywhere
I remember when I realized I didn't fit anywhere
I remember wrestling with God over EVERYTHING
I remember coming to enjoy the wrestling
I remember reading somewhere or someone saying my wrestling was stubbornness
I remember all this because I am still all this
Then I remember GRACE.....and, well then I remember all over again

Joshua 1

Trust in what we don't see keeps us going.......

Dan and I made 'treasure maps' for our Small Group....we took card stock copied the beginners journaling plan onto them and burned the edges and smudged them to look like a treasure map. I believe it is a treasure map, a love letter.....

So in all my confusion and sadness today I come and read...

msg. vs. 1-9 After the death of Moses the servant of God, God spoke to Joshua, Moses' assistant: "Moses my servant is dead. Get going. Cross this Jordan River, you and all the people. Cross to the country I'm giving to the People of Israel. I'm giving you every square inch of the land you set your foot on—just as I promised Moses. From the wilderness and this Lebanon east to the Great River, the Euphrates River—all the Hittite country—and then west to the Great Sea. It's all yours. All your life, no one will be able to hold out against you. In the same way I was with Moses, I'll be with you. I won't give up on you; I won't leave you. Strength! Courage! You are going to lead this people to inherit the land that I promised to give their ancestors. Give it everything you have, heart and soul. Make sure you carry out The Revelation that Moses commanded you, every bit of it. Don't get off track, either left or right, so as to make sure you get to where you're going. And don't for a minute let this Book of The Revelation be out of mind. Ponder and meditate on it day and night, making sure you practice everything written in it. Then you'll get where you're going; then you'll succeed. Haven't I commanded you? Strength! Courage! Don't be timid; don't get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take."

You don't leave, it's me who bolts, strays, lags behind, runs ahead, gives up ......You never leave......so no matter how I screw up, embarass myself, be hurt and hurt others.... don't give up live in risk....be strong and courageous.....just don't give up.....

2 Corinthians 5

...and while I'm at it let me point you to this one as well......it may not be up yet but be looking for the service from yesterday 10/11....Roy spoke to 'leaving and cleaving'.....the power of a marriage based on these principles blows me away in it's TRUTH. But remember you have to 'hear' it, to hold onto it as truth and that is a process....to simply ignore it doesn't make it any less true ......
makes you wish there were an easier way but then in really thinking about it IF IT WERE EASY we'd still find ways to ignore it.

Msg translation.vs 6-8 That's why we live with such good cheer. You won't see us drooping our heads or dragging our feet! Cramped conditions here don't get us down. They only remind us of the spacious living conditions ahead. It's what we trust in but don't yet see that keeps us going. Do you suppose a few ruts in the road or rocks in the path are going to stop us? When the time comes, we'll be plenty ready to exchange exile for homecoming.

9-10 But neither exile nor homecoming is the main thing. Cheerfully pleasing God is the main thing, and that's what we aim to do, regardless of our conditions. Sooner or later we'll all have to face God, regardless of our conditions. We will appear before Christ and take what's coming to us as a result of our actions, either good or bad.

Check out this message....... 10/05/08

2 Corinthians 4

I love Fridays, a lot of reasons. #1 being I get to get up and spend the time with my husband that we miss throughout the week. I get to hear what God’s doing in him and his heart. I get to make him coffee and cuddle up in my blanket and just spend this amazing time with my husband. And you know what we don’t know when or how it exactly happened???

Paul is pissed at the Corinthians here and his truths are just that, simple truths that are not yet heard and understood by the Corinthians BUT that doesn’t stop Paul from speaking/writing them. I don’t know when I heard / hear stuff as TRUTH? The process for me is filled with filters and doubts and questions……and I think I need to remember to give others the time to process as well and yet not stop speaking /writing His truths, that's why I center my blog around the bible it's the only real truth I've found....... Mostly what I write here is my processing…..how and where do you? process that is?

(msg) vs. 5-6 Remember, our Message is not about ourselves; we're proclaiming Jesus Christ, the Master. All we are is messengers, errand runners from Jesus for you. It started when God said, "Light up the darkness!" and our lives filled up with light as we saw and understood God in the face of Christ, all bright and beautiful.
7-12 If you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. That's to prevent anyone from confusing God's incomparable power with us. As it is, there's not much chance of that. You know for yourselves that we're not much to look at. We've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we're not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken. What they did to Jesus, they do to us—trial and torture, mockery and murder; what Jesus did among them, he does in us—he lives! Our lives are at constant risk for Jesus' sake, which makes Jesus' life all the more evident in us. While we're going through the worst, you're getting in on the best!
13-15 We're not keeping this quiet, not on your life. Just like the psalmist who wrote, "I believed it, so I said it," we say what we believe. And what we believe is that the One who raised up the Master Jesus will just as certainly raise us up with you, alive. Every detail works to your advantage and to God's glory: more and more grace, more and more people, more and more praise!
16-18 So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever.

More yesterday of seeing the ‘snake’ that is me being about me…..that snake ain’t gonna be killed until the day I die, but I can yearn for that day. Live in this one broken maybe but knowing that my fix is coming.

Luke 15

A jumble of emotions today and risking everything sounds a bit 'riskier' than usual. Would love to be a person of DECISION, a person of strength....today feeling small and anxious in spite of the dangers to become smaller....crazy scared and fighting it and yet inviting it at the same time.....

And it would have to be the story of the Prodigal...the elder brother...me....every stinkin time me.... and breaking my heart finally or again .....that in that elderness I am every bit as far away from the Father as the prodigal.....embarassment turning to shame turning to .......

(msg) vs. 31-32 "His father said, 'Son, you don't understand. You're with me all the time, and everything that is mine is yours—but this is a wonderful time, and we had to celebrate. This brother of yours was dead, and he's alive! He was lost, and he's found!'"

Deuteronomy 4

(msg) vs. 9 Just make sure you stay alert. Keep close watch over yourselves. Don't forget anything of what you've seen. Don't let your heart wander off. Stay vigilant as long as you live. Teach what you've seen and heard to your children and grandchildren.

So simple and so what I needed this morning. I seem to be in a place where I 'see' You and Your work in others and want to desperately make them aware of what I see. I can read back through my blogs, documenting my journey and see...I don't know I just know that I see You and Your hand all over the place and it seems to be a time to remind others of what I see...risking everything about what 'they' might think about me .....to in the risk realize more and more I can't care what it looks like I HAVE to follow where He leads......

THIS really got me the other day....what are YOUR thoughts??
we are explorers
“The reward of the search is to go on searching. The soul’s desire is fulfilled by the very fact of its remaining unsatisfied; for really to see God is never to have had one’s fill of desiring Him” - Gregory of Nyassa

We really are explorers. Its part of what it means to be human. To taste God is to be driven to an eternal quest to know him more. It always amazes me when people think they have arrived at the knowledge of God. When people come to that point, all they believe is an idol.
taken from
http://www.theforgottenways.org/blog/2008/10/06/we-are-explorers/#more-528

1 Corinthians 13

A wonderful morning with women reading and journaling....You know God how that energizes me, how it fills me up....how it challenges and encourages me. How I love to challenge and encourage others/them....And with them we read Ezra and Luke......with them I can be who I am. I CAN all out worship without feeling all weird and self conscious.....I find myself tearing up every Tuesday morning and desiring that feeling all day....how do I keep that feeling all day long?

(msg) vs. 13 But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.

I love them because they let me be me.....wow how self involved is that.....I want to love others Father but until I love you completely I am that rusty gate, that noisy gong or clanging cymbal....I pray today Father to focus on You and allow You to lead me.....to love because You love me.

HELP...seems as though there IS a story here but one I an incapable of writing......what do you think?

Once upon a time there was a Princess born to a King. She was a precious little child and the love she had for her Father and his love for her was legendary. But as children do, she grew up and when she came out from under her Fathers protection ... no that’s not what it was, because her Daddy always protected her.
It’s when she decided that living in and under Daddy’s rules, no that’s not it either....
Her Daddy was no longer ENOUGH for her and thus began a relationship with that word that came close to destroying her. ENOUGH….

Luke 9

reading plan here...

where I spent the weekend...On the lake with friends got a bit of the flu but the friends were dear enough to just let me be. And in my absence they got to know my husband, I think they were pretty lucky. We had a great ride on the bike down and back, we had hoped though for more of the fall colors and the leaves were still holding onto their green.

Dreamt last nite of finding a snake in a hole and trying to get rid of it by stepping on the hole and with my foot over it's revealing itself fully, I couldn't really 'kill it'....discovering I was going to have to let it come out of it's hole, to see it...face it.... in order to really get rid of it. I think I connect the dream with how I live my life wanting to BE a different person, wanting to get rid of what I haven't fully seen...??... (did I mention I really never dream) I think I've been told or 'heard' for a long time who I'm not and now it's up to me to discover who I could be...??.....who You're calling me to be... Can I live in nakedness showing myself for who I am. Trusting a shepherd I don't see.... I think there are moments of relational nakedness and vulnerability but more often than not I just am so afraid of who I really am , showing who I really am... I try to keep my foot over the hole.....and keep the snake hidden.....???

(Msg) vs. 23-27 Then he told them what they could expect for themselves: "Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat—I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? If any of you is embarrassed with me and the way I'm leading you, know that the Son of Man will be far more embarrassed with you when he arrives in all his splendor in company with the Father and the holy angels. This isn't, you realize, pie in the sky by and by. Some who have taken their stand right here are going to see it happen, see with their own eyes the kingdom of God."

Matthew 28

here's the reading plan...

(Msg.) vs. 16-17 Meanwhile, the eleven disciples were on their way to Galilee, headed for the mountain Jesus had set for their reunion. The moment they saw him they worshiped him. Some, though, held back, not sure about worship, about risking themselves totally.

I am praying Father to no longer 'hold back'......to worship and risky myself totally.....I'm crazy scared but praying to live this life in risk, in worship.

Exodus 20

I am reading from a plan (click here to take you right to it) and would absolutely love to have you join me and share your thoughts on the reading.

(msg) vs. 20 Moses spoke to the people: "Don't be afraid. God has come to test you and instill a deep and reverent awe within you so that you won't sin."

I think I get this......this morning after a couple of years of wrestling with You, I understand...? YOU are a God of incredible love and patience, grace and mercy and in that love, patience, grace and mercy You are a jealous God. Desiring us to want You above all else, understanding we don't, won't and yet extending to us chance after chance to come to You. And in the coming to You we recieve this deep and reverent awe and IF we live in that AWE we won't sin....again your love, patience, grace and mercy redeems us when we don't live in AWE and sin......because in coming to You receiving Christ and becoming born again, indwelt with the Holy Spirit You know our hearts desire is to live in THAT AWE....well maybe I don't get it, but this morning I want to want to .

AHA!!! You know one of THOSE moments.......good stuff.

1 Corinthians 1

I have watched more news this week so far than I have in years. In spite of 'hearing' pay attention to the election process, I haven't really paid attention to the news..... So in the watching I learned alot...ok HEARD alot of stuff and this morning what I woke up with...was this vision of the cross and the words resonating in my head of MY (God's) Bailout Plan....so make of that what you will but as for me and my husband, we're going to HANG ON to that and see what He makes of it.
Msg. vs. 17 God didn't send me out to collect a following for myself, but to preach the Message of what he has done, collecting a following for him. And he didn't send me to do it with a lot of fancy rhetoric of my own, lest the powerful action at the center—Christ on the Cross—be trivialized into mere words.
18-21 The Message that points to Christ on the Cross seems like sheer silliness to those hellbent on destruction, but for those on the way of salvation it makes perfect sense. This is the way God works, and most powerfully as it turns out. It's written, I'll turn conventional wisdom on its head, I'll expose so-called experts as crackpots.So where can you find someone truly wise, truly educated, truly intelligent in this day and age? Hasn't God exposed it all as pretentious nonsense? Since the world in all its fancy wisdom never had a clue when it came to knowing God, God in his wisdom took delight in using what the world considered dumb—preaching, of all things!—to bring those who trust him into the way of salvation.
22-25 While Jews clamor for miraculous demonstrations and Greeks go in for philosophical wisdom, we go right on proclaiming Christ, the Crucified. Jews treat this like an anti-miracle—and Greeks pass it off as absurd. But to us who are personally called by God himself—both Jews and Greeks—Christ is God's ultimate miracle and wisdom all wrapped up in one. Human wisdom is so tinny, so impotent, next to the seeming absurdity of God. Human strength can't begin to compete with God's "weakness."
26-31 Take a good look, friends, at who you were when you got called into this life. I don't see many of "the brightest and the best" among you, not many influential, not many from high-society families. Isn't it obvious that God deliberately chose men and women that the culture overlooks and exploits and abuses, chose these "nobodies" to expose the hollow pretensions of the "somebodies"? That makes it quite clear that none of you can get by with blowing your own horn before God. Everything that we have—right thinking and right living, a clean slate and a fresh start—comes from God by way of Jesus Christ. That's why we have the saying, "If you're going to blow a horn, blow a trumpet for God."

I am very emotional this morning, emotional and scared and feeling very small. I suppose it's all good, but today it 'feels' very scary.
I read alot of blogs, even more that listed to the side. I was told once "I read too much"....I don't know but I am frightened that I don't seem to 'fit' anywhere...- to fit....
I want to and yet struggle against it...CRAZY
perhaps I am just crazy......
God's bail out plan even applies to me Crazy or not...THAT is comforting.