To My Children and Grands and all those I love

And not to ook anyone out or anything but I so want this song at my funeral some day :)

Artist: Sidewalk Prophets
Album: These Simple Truths
Three in the morning, and I'm still awake
So I picked up a pen and a page
And I started writing just what I'd say
If we were face to face
I'd tell you just what you mean to me
Tell you these simple truths

Chorus:Be strong in the Lord
And never give up hope
You're gonna do great things I already know'
God's got His hand on You'
So don't live life in fear
Forgive and forget
But don't forget why you're here
Take your time and pray
These are the words I would say

Last time we spoke you said you were hurting
And I felt your pain in my heart
I want to tell you that I keep on praying
Love will find you where you are
I know 'cause I've already been there
So please hear these simple truths

Chorus: Say from one simple life to another
I will say come find peace in the Father
Be strong in the Lord
And never give up hope
You're gonna do great things
I already know
God's got His hand on You
So don't live life in fear
Forgive and forget
But don't forget why you're here
Take your time and pray
And thank God for each day
His love will find a way
These are the words I would say

Ex. 23&24;Ps. 14; Acts 5; Ro. 3

Reading about the Israelites and the Disciples....

I am way more like the Israelites and desire to be more like the latter...
.The Israelites ~ Your promises to them and theirs to You...I know theirs ended up being worthless and breaking Your heart. Evidence of my stubborn rebellion and impatience..air of entitlement....how to move into surrender and perevering faith...to live more like the Acts community.
I have those promises and more and am called in Christ to believe and follow...like a sheep and now a shelless turtle dependent on You...head in Your hands, heart in Your protection following wherever You lead.
And then....then to NOT become Pharisiacal in that...soft and humbly, helplessly following.
Such power in the contrast...seeing where I fall now and praying to land feet firmly...knees on the ground following .
What is Your desire for us as citizens of the US to serve the citizens of Haiti??

Exodus 21 & 22; Psalm 12; Acts 4; Jeremiah 2

Did an exercise this morning where we were to imagine Jesus sitting next to us and ask Him...'what do you think of me'....wish I could tell you it was this amazing experience and yet I can't....
soft and yearning to ask, to hear and yet afraid...

comes from discovering a new bit of wetness...I THINK I KNOW TRUTH....and realizing all I really know is what I KNOW or assume or think I know...

desiring to be the turtle w/o her shell...asking for that kind of stuff makes this kind of stuff come more readily.....

and then...this comes across Twitter: MaxLucado Humility doesn’t mean you think less of yourself but that you think of yourself less.
I know I am loved....I know this, that through nothing of who I am or what I have done You love me....and today praying to find more wetness and swim free in YOUR TRUTH.

Acts 4: 31 After they prayed, the place where they were meeting was shaken. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke the word of God boldly....

I speak my words, thought they were yours and yet in the delivery it's always me.....to be filled with the Holy Spirit....I long to be curious w/Your Spirit....to ask and invite w/no agenda or knowing or feeling entitled to an outcome.....I long to move in that...so some TRUTHS to swim around in today...:)


Jer. 2: 32 Does a maiden forget her jewelry,
a bride her wedding ornaments?
Yet my people have forgotten me,
days without number.

Jer. 2: 13 "My people have committed two sins:
They have forsaken me,
the spring of living water,
and have dug their own cisterns,
broken cisterns that cannot hold water.

Acts 4: 8 Then Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, said to them: "Rulers and elders of the people! 9If we are being called to account today for an act of kindness shown to a cripple and are asked how he was healed, 10then know this, you and all the people of Israel: It is by the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, whom you crucified but whom God raised from the dead, that this man stands before you healed. 11 He is " 'the stone you builders rejected, which has become the capstone. 12 Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved."

Exodus 17 - 20; Acts 3; Luke 9

I say I don't care who reads and mostly I don't, I mean seriously I write like a 3rd grader....but sometimes just to know there is 'someone'...but if I did...well that would be a whole nuther struggle :)
Last nite meeting with a gal and just breaking down, begging her to mentor me.....her agreeing :)
This morning meeting w/ a gal and us rambling through several weeks worth of stuff...pointing each other back to God or to celebrating what we couldn't see in the moment, but someone else can.. affirming that He is who we're after, who's after us....:)
the weather is depressing and while there was a time when February got me down...I ain't skeered this year, not looking forward to MORE winter....but, seeing that You have a much better plan, even in the seasons than I ever could...remembering yet again Your TIME... :)
telling others whom I love and who give me permission, even ask me to point them to You that You want us to live honest and vulnerable, like turtles without our shells trusting You and You alone and then I'm freakin scared to do it...
feeling needy and ugly when I do and really...
what the hell does a turtle wihout it's shell look like anyway.....in fact they can't live without their shells...and You ask us to die to ourselves so the analogy takes me further and further into dependence or the desire for it.....but the needy and ugly...whoooo and if I don't... how can I keep telling them to??? You can't give away what you don't have..I get....but getting this just hurts.....:)

Your sovereignty comforts me....the urge to run while always being my first instinct, lessening....as much fun as fighting You is realizing I fight far more against stuff than for...

so I come this morning weepy and soft and eager and yet scared to death...in praying to see my 'wetness', my sins......what's gonna happen this time when I do??.....

This scary God in Exodus 17-20 is the same God who sent us Jesus...Grateful Grateful Grateful...
Luke 9: 10 When the apostles returned, they reported to Jesus what they had done. Then he took them with him and they withdrew by themselves to a town called Bethsaida, 11 but the crowds learned about it and followed him. He welcomed them and spoke to them about the kingdom of God, and healed those who needed healing.
12 Late in the afternoon the Twelve came to him and said, "Send the crowd away so they can go to the surrounding villages and countryside and find food and lodging, because we are in a remote place here."
13 He replied, "You give them something to eat."
They answered, "We have only five loaves of bread and two fish—unless we go and buy food for all this crowd." 14(About five thousand men were there.)
But he said to his disciples, "Have them sit down in groups of about fifty each." 15 The disciples did so, and everybody sat down. 16 Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke them. Then he gave them to the disciples to set before the people. 17 They all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces that were left over.

Oh how like the disciples I am....here they were going to go and 'get' time w/Jesus alone...and I can just imagine they wanted it pretty badly and Jesus says....You give them something to eat..making it pretty clear the 'retreat' was over......this desire for a 'mentor' is not healthy??
...when I live with the desire to 'give it away'....You are enough.......I do not want to drain this gal.....perhaps it is like she said we will encourage and inspire and challenge each other...??

Luke 9: 23 Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. 24 For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. 25 What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self? 26 If anyone is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels. 27I tell you the truth, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the kingdom of God."

So like a turtle without her shell...trusting only in YOUR protection...

Ex. 14-16; Acts 2; 1 Kings 11

Had a group early where we read & talked about 1 Kings 11....
'wholeheartedness'
Samuel= no heart for You..
David= Whole heart for You...
Solomon =1/2 hearted for You....

David in wholeheartedness for You, screwed up and yet always turned back to You...
Solomon 1000 women unwilling to give them up and turn back to You....

Wholeheartedness = all the Psalms lamenting and crying out...
Do I hold back my WHOLE heart out of fear of that??
Do I mistrust You or am I simply still trying to control You and EARN Your approval...what a ridiculous thing to write and know how wrong and yet how very much THAT is me...
I am so afraid of what I will DO in REAL trials that I live 1/2 hearted?
I don't think so ....BUT I sure don't live FREE either...
David was FREE to dance naked in the streets....
Solomon was bound to 1000 women....
so, where am I still bound?
"his heart was not fully devoted to the Lord his God".....
do I dare pray to see?
remembering David turned BACK...so when I see, somehow forgo shame and go directly to repentance....Help me Abba Help me...to see that that I don't want to see....

Exodus 12 & 13; Psalm 21; Acts 1; Gen. 3

Woke up dreading coming to work.......
Gave all my dread to You and hubs, neither one of you offering me a solution, just ears and encouragement and challenge.....

Gen. 3: 8 Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. 9 But the LORD God called to the man, "Where are you?"

Heard Him because they were hiding, not waiting for Him to walk with them....not wanting to walk with Him.... in SHAME hiding. I do that and today I pray to walk w/Him every step of the way at work....I probably won't but oh Abba I want to.....I pray to....I will try. And when it happens I pray to be grateful because of Your Spirit leading me....to BE humbly grateful when it happens...

Ex. 3*5; Luke 22 ; John 3

Ex. 4: "Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Is it not I, the Lord. Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say."

Luke 22 called to be like a child , a servant

Get up and pray so that you will not fall into temptation....twice Jesus compels his disciples to pray-

Peters betrayal
mine daily is no surprise to You...when daily I pray to live in risk, this fear of and annoyance w/people....risk in relationships?? ....
my lack of...
my betrayal
this morning it feels hopeless...
You are enough and daily I betray You.....
'pray' like a child...Your servant

Like a child asking her Daddy
like a servant waiting to serve

Praying to not....

to be content
to be patient
to be awed and grateful
when today I feel discouraged and hopeless...

You took the Israelites into the desert to lead them to freedom...it took them 40 years to follow...

drove to work heart as heavy as a truck laying in my chest
discouragement and hopelessness my companions today
'dwell in You - rest in You' - like a child in her Daddy's lap...

There is hope in SA derek and shea in SA..there to find and raise up 'leaders', seekers of God, followers of Christ to take HOPE into hopeless villages. Change this country w/Your love from the inside. Teaching them to help themselves..Think and pray on how to get more money over there
Haiti - help coming w/skilled medical and miliatary personell ...in those skilled people some are carrying the light of Christ and that light WILL shine supernaturally through them bringing HOPE to horrendous ~ hopeless situations and circumstances..

I am called to no less here at work and neither are you.

Exodus 1 & 2; Psalm 88; Luke 21; Ephesians 1

naked and exposed.....but not so much ashamed this morning....as....as...resting in You. That's what it 'feels' like anyway......

today is my Mom's BD. Why won't I be naked and exposed in front of her? I can imagine it hurts her.....I choose my nakedness?? I control it?? I pushed and shoved and tried to 'give' something I didn't have and as per usual in 'failure' I run, build walls...quit....And to admit...really see how much I hurt people.....I stubbornly refuse to allow You to be 'enough' in most relationships, to just love them...no to allow You to love them thru me....how much that must hurt You......

So a resolve to be naked and exposed?...no...a crying out to You I can't do it without You.

Ephesians 1: 11 In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, 12 in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. 13And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, 14 who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession—to the praise of his glory.

Your plan......Your Spirit....naked and exposed today.......the purpose of Your will...help me Abba I can do nothing without You.

Genesis 4-&50;Ps 8;Luke 20; Titus 3

Ben writes incredibly the journey. Writes how and what he is coming to know of You....go read him now.

Genesis 50:20. You intended to harm me, but God, intended if for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

Always loved this verse the call in it to live a life of risk trusting Your Sovereignty. In service as an heir....

And then Ps. 8: 3 When I consider your heavens the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, 4 what are mere mortals that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them.
Not only Sovereign..You designed time and space - tides- rotation of the earth...I could go on and on even in my limited knowlege of science, math ,geography....I am totally awed at Your creativity...there is no box You would ever fit in. We're not even as mere mortals fully cognizant of Your power and yet You care for us.

Titus 3:3....we lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another, 4 but when the kindness and love of God our Saviour appeared,5 he saved us, NOT because of righteous things we had done, but because of His mercy.

Thinking of my daughter ~ put the love stamp on it. That's what she tells me...she is being called to love. You YOU her Saviour are taking her to hard places asking her in obedience to take those risks..
it is beautiful to see
to name
to remind her Your Spirit
Your Sovereign rule
is at work

Help me Abba as a Mom to not get caught up in her pain, to not try to fix her or any situation. To take any of it on
to remind her of whom and what she lives for...it ain't spose to BE EASY...Your intentions are more and more to be saved by our love, our FAITH in what we don't see but KNOW we are called to.

Genesis 47 & 48; Psalm 10; Luke 19; 2 Samuel 9

An amazing Sunday kicking off a new series the 7 Journeys. An amazing time in truly giving up being an earner and falling humbly into what You offer. Or so I thought, think....the voices in my head are so loud I pray to listen more to You, find the truth from those voices and humbly accept what You offer.

Genesis 47: 20 So Joseph bought all the land in Egypt for Pharaoh....Setting up Your story of Exodus.

Your story, my part in it......whatever that is Father I want that more than anything...Soooo I need you Abba, to be enough. Just You to be enough, so as to love and serve others as You say...

Genesis 37&38; Psalm 7; Luke 15; 2 Peter 1

After my 'rant' it was a good day of connecting w/people and asking them questions that hopefully, prayerfully end up w/them seeking You more heartily.....I know those questions in the past while perhaps ticking me off initially, ended up taking me right where You wanted.
This Daniel Fast is something...the energy I /we feel already is surprising and then immediately the disappointment at how easily I forget how eating healthier does that...is it all about the eating?
To be prayerful in the process, I forget quickly the why's of doing it. Distracted yesterday w/Haiti instead of praying.......the voices in my head telling me to DO something w/o being specific, trusting that in prayer the specifics will come from every interaction leading me to doing whatever it is You desire.....

2 Peter 1: 3 His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 4 Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.
5 For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6 and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7 and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. 8 For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.
10 Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall, 11 and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

You're doing it BUT I am responsible to make every effort.......if it weren't for THIS time, here in Your Word I wouldn't...
ineffective and unproductive...fears, labels I have worn....
sometimes I long for the rich welcome, rather than living out a calling You have placed on my life to help w/lost sheep....I ain't no shepherd but a long time ago I watched a Disney special about sheep dogs and danged if I didn't feel a call to be that. Had to see myself first as the sheep and I did, I was,I am .... the sheep dog works only for his master...singlemindedly looking to please him by finding and returning the sheep....maybe that's truly what I am, looking always for those who are of His flock but wandering... and...what if one of those lost sheep DOES in being found again, in getting back to You to Your word DOES something for Haiti or SA or.....Like I said yesterday it's addicting watching people come to KNOW YOU....and aren't we all born w/that knowing but distracted to find things other than our Shepherd to fill us, guide us? The one thing about the sheep dog, his devotion to his duty, his master.....alot of comfort in the Psalm today....alot of challenge in all the readings.

Genesis 34-36 ;Luke 14 ; Psalms 23

I really don't give a flip about LEADERSHIP, don't care who's a ROCKSTAR there.....I believe God w/take care of their leadership capabilities...I simply love watching people engage Your Word and begin a journey......I LOVE watching people take chances and risks in loving the way You say....I LOVE watching people fight and argue w/who You are and end up passionate about You.... I LOVE watching people who've been away from You realize it was them that left and the GRACE they experience in THAT moment is flippin addicting.... I LOVE watching people wrestle w/ the "really, REALLY He loves ME " stuff and that comes after really seeing who we are for reals, nothing good in us....I love when someone gets that, I mean really gets that...I think I'm gonna love talking to people about living generously, now I am just tasting ...no that's not true, just learning how to give and praying to live generously and the blessings I am finding in this journey along w/ the crap... like how I never wanted / knew to give, never knew it was His, how we never even talked about 'giving'... takes me back to that bottom belief He loves me and knew my stingy self before I ever did and now.....now, well ....this is new territory....and that I get to go there w/my husband, I don't know what to say, how to express the desire we have to give the journey away....I LOVE when I get the chance to go deep w/someone. now my problem is I WANT to go deep w/everyone and what You are showing me is ...is ....it's in Your time, everything is in Your time BUT when I am seeking You first THAT all makes perfect sense...absolute perfect sense. Which means I should just always BE seeking You and Your kingdom first.....

Psalm 23
A psalm of David. 1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil;my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

The whole rant over the word leadership.....had a love / hate relationship w/that word for sometime now.....we are all as followers of Christ going to BE leaders, helping others on the journey.

I come back and read and reread this Psalm today...the pictures, the videos from Haiti are disturbing, the desire to DO something overwhelming.....to want to engage my SIL from Haiti long removed from his island home.... on his feelings of 'rootlessness' when I have prayed for 2 years him, to be rooted in Christ......Praying for him and all the people of Haiti.....it's hard to fathom....

Genesis 31- 33; Luke 13; 2 Timothy 3

NIRV 2 Timothy 3: ¹⁶ God has breathed life into all of Scripture. It is useful for teaching us what is true. It is useful for correcting our mistakes. It is useful for making our lives whole again. It is useful for training us to do what is right. ¹⁷ By using Scripture, a man of God can be completely prepared to do every good thing.

NIV same verses ¹⁶All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, ¹⁷so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

I like both translations, the first is from what we gave to our 7 year old Granddaughter. That she will read and in her young life time BE transformed, trained. While I waited 40 years to engage Your Word. It really is never too late to teach old dogs some new tricks.
Watching Shea and Derek leave for 2 years to love and serve the people of the Transkei because of Your preparation of them. Watching Shea struggle w/Your definition and call to love.
What am I doing in Your service? All our lives thinking money was ours to make and now all we want to do is get it where people who are serving You will use it .
Doesn't take much reading of the OT to see where we went wrong. To see that things don't change people lie and steal and yet YOU do what YOU do to get Your Story told.
This recent earthquake in Haiti, our daughter is married to a Haitian man. This desperate looking at where our money there can serve the people suffering.
We are prepared and willing FINALLY to give to work....what an amazing journey. I pray for people to be prompted by YOUR Spirit to give and like us wrestle through all the crap and find where it is You desire them, their monies to go. I like praying this and leaving all outcome to You.....

Genesis 29-30; Luke 12 and Psalm 8

Adding a new piece to the reading plan.....something our church is doing for 7 weeks. And like the enewhope plan where I get excited about reading the same thing as people all over!! To be reading the same thing that people in our church are, just excites me...to see what He can do when we are doing that.

Needed Your word this mornig....anger and disappointment take me to listening to and reacting with emotions and feelings rather than where it is You lead. And if I don't fight those voices, labels I won't get to hear Yours.....so this morning reading reminding me I am Your servant comes as great comfort and hearing....Luke 12: 11"When you are brought before synagogues, rulers and authorities, do not worry about how you will defend yourselves or what you will say, 12 for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you should say."....don't look for places to explain myself or defend.....WHEN the time comes You're there with me.

Luke 12: 31 But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well. This morning even clearer in the Message translation 29-32 "What I'm trying to do here is get you to relax, not be so preoccupied with getting so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep yourself in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Don't be afraid of missing out. You're my dearest friends! The Father wants to give you the very kingdom itself.
33-34 "Be generous. Give to the poor. Get yourselves a bank that can't go bankrupt, a bank in heaven far from bankrobbers, safe from embezzlers, a bank you can bank on. It's obvious, isn't it? The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being.

And then the Psalm how dare I worry about myself when everything around me is from You...
Psalm 8: 1O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!
You have set your glory above the heavens.
2 From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise
because of your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger.
3 When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars,
which you have set in place, 4 what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?
5 You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor.
6 You made him ruler over the works of your hands; you put everything under his feet:
7 all flocks and herds,and the beasts of the field, 8 the birds of the air,
and the fish of the sea, all that swim the paths of the seas.
9 O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!

Genesis 23-24; Luke 9

We had a Vision nite last nite and what I saw were so many new faces and that frightened me. Frightened me to the point of feeling sick....still feeling it this morning...Yeah STUPID I know...You are so far ahead of me that I forget that... And this morning while I still want to put my head in the sand and say....I failed...MORE than that I want to see You in all of it. Pray like Abraham's servant and move deeper and deeper into failure and forgiveness and see what You have there.

Don't judge and don't worry about who judges me....a mantra for 2010 not for success but for humble following wherever it is You lead.

Genesis 20 - 22; Luke 8

Woke up w/this thot from Primal by Mark Batterson rolling around my head and heart : 'It's easier to act like a Christian than to react like one.' My reactions certainly reveal my self protection....I am a liar at heart. My reaction even in jest is to blame someone else.....will I always and forever BE the snake sleeping in the bottom of the basket? That thot horrifies me and takes me to doubt and self protection even further, thinking I could be someone You love and then I remember You don't love because of who we are or what we do You love simply because of who You are. That thot wrecks me this morning and softens my heart to receiving more and more GRACE...at least I hope so. To think I will always and forever react and be the snake ....I guess takes me deeper and deeper, further and further towards seeking You and Your comfort alone. I really thot that I would be more befriendable on the journey but more and more I feel an aloneness.......what IF i reacted differently, less self protectively all around.
And yesterday's words resonate....14 Is anything too hard for the LORD ?

Abraham, father of faith didn't always react...right or according to his faith or maybe the truth of it is he did and every time his faith grew? Now tho, our righteousness doesn't come from obedience it comes from Jesus, His Spirit in us and obedience comes from love. In Christ we are chosen, how to react in that love? Not self protective....

And then yesterday Sarah laughed and here today 21 vs. 11 God says to Abraham 'listen to her'....Abba Your GRACE with her.......(stunned realization) ....Your GRACE with me....Wow...Your GRACE how can I continue to forget that??

Abraham in all his previous failures his faith grew....faith took him up the mountain.

To react in all choice and situation, relationships.....not act...w/Your Spirit things can be different...because of who YOU are...and when I fail, You don't condemn me...Your GRACE says try again....

Genesis 18-19; Ps. 3; Luke 7

It's cold and slippery out and that's about all you can say about that. Those that have to/get to go to work are not happy and those that get to/have to stay home are getting a bit of cabin fever. Each of us wanting what the other has.....needing most likely to be exactly where we are.

This exchange in Gen. 18 always gets me vs. 13 Then the LORD said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh and say, 'Will I really have a child, now that I am old?' 14 Is anything too hard for the LORD ? I will return to you at the appointed time next year and Sarah will have a son."
15 Sarah was afraid, so she lied and said, "I did not laugh."
But he said, "Yes, you did laugh."

This year it gets me in a way that hurts, my own questioning of whether or not I TRUST God or USE Him. I can fool myself that I don't know the answer but will never fool Him. No punishment or retribution a simple He knows. 2010 a year to live a better story, to live Primal starts in getting the answer to this question and living in TRUST.

Genesis 15-17; Luke 6

AT Panera this morning dreaming, wondering how to encourage people to give, realizing it took me so long to understand how vital giving is to my own journey? It was like a bore hole in my brain, a seed planted...a bug, a worm growing...... and then my heart got engaged...and then after years of 'push back'......what it's given to my journey is immeasureable......Praying to be kind and passionate without being pushy and judgmental, praying to trust You with the outcome. Do I TRUST You or Use You...how can I invite trusting? How do I move into things, invitations I would much rather....rather what?? Why is a simple invite so hard? Because it wouldn't /won't be a simple invite I will have expectations and then those expectations will turn into disappointment and then I will ......USE You to...to....To circumvent all this and simply without expectation TRUST You with the invite......sounds so easy and yet......or there it is a BUT when all I want to do is live without BUTS TRUSTING You......

In Gen. 15 God took Abram outside and shows him the stars and then in 17 Abram falls facedown....the familiarity and the worship...BOTH not one or the other BOTH.....what an Amazing God.

Then you could just spend days in Luke 6......Dan's and my empty house again.....the temperatures are so cold and we have empty rooms. So do we go and pick up homeless people? Why not? How? And the money we want to send to South Africa would it be better spent here?? If I struggle within these questions why would I think others don't ....Luke 6: 37 "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. 38 Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."
39 He also told them this parable: "Can a blind man lead a blind man? Will they not both fall into a pit? 40 A student is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher.
41"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 42 How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

An invite, a prayerful trusting invite.....and asking You Abba who needs a place to live, we got one...

Genesis 12-14; Luke 5

Do I trust You or use You?

This morning Abram....didn't and You still do what You do so well....Peter did...this time.....I want to.....driving in this morning realizing when something I am afraid of gets close or happens I think I USE You...trusting You would be like Matt Chandler......so

do I really??

Genesis 9-11; Luke 4

Do I trust You or use You??

That's the question as I read this morning......wanting to LIVE a better story in 2010, realizing in a good story there is a protagonist or an event that changes everything....do I TRUST You or use You??? I don't write my story......You do....do I trust You or use You??

Genesis 1-2; Luke 1

This is from a NIRV translation of the Bible...one we are giving to our 7 year old Granddaughter and praying that with it, in her time with it she comes to see it as her love letter from Him...that her time with Him with it, in it...is not about duty, but about engaging w/the Living God through His Spirit...praying that it becomes her homing device.....leading her closer and closer to Him who is in pursuit of her......what an amazing God you know, that even desires that time with us...

Genesis 2: ¹⁴ God said, "Let there be lights in the huge space of the sky. Let them separate the day from the night. Let them serve as signs to mark off the seasons and the days and the years. ¹⁵ Let them serve as lights in the huge space of the sky to give light on the earth." And that's exactly what happened. ¹⁶ God made two great lights. He made the larger light to rule over the day. He made the smaller light to rule over the night. He also made the stars. ¹⁷ God put the lights in the huge space of the sky to give light on the earth. ¹⁸ He put them there to rule over the day and the night. He put them there to separate light from darkness. God saw that it was good. ¹⁹ And there was evening, and there was morning. It was day four.









I am not a winter lover, a lover of snow and would in most circumstances find this photo depressing....this morning I find it beautiful and poetic....He made the seasons...He made a time for parts of the earth to go dormant and even die..... and yet in the spring those plants will regrow....His sovereignty amazes me and I pray to live in that more and more...giving all credit and glory to THAT instead of looking always for the applause of men.....