Proverbs 30

2008 is almost done.......2009 looms.
I have alot of excitement for some reason about '09, not sure why? It may have something to do with my desire.....my desire(?).....to hear You.
To not be afraid.
To live RISKY and reckless and soft and trusting...I don't know.....
What am I going to do the first time I become afraid??
The first time I am challenged?
The first time I hit a trial or a wall or.....
I don't know and yet I think there is in me for the first time a contentment in who YOU are?? A contentment (?)....a bone deep conviction of who You are and in that reality who I am doesn't matter??? I don't know just feeling without urgency, an excitement....we'll see I guess.

vs. 5-6 The believer replied, "Every promise of God proves true;
he protects everyone who runs to him for help.
So don't second-guess him;
he might take you to task and show up your lies."

Every promise of God proves true; he protects everyone who runs to him for help. He does, I just forget to run to Him...I pray in this year to remember this, to hold on tight to the TRUTH of who YOU are......to stop trying to prove anything to You and trust that Your promises....Your voice, Your word is worth forever seeking.......I pray 2009 be a year of incredible times for the Holy Spirit to be revealed through us, as followers, seekers of You. I pray love be shown to all those who don't yet know, don't yet trust....those who have been deeply wounded by we, who call ourselves Christians and fail to in following You love them. I don't know... just words now and what I need is to HOLD ON.....

Proverbs 29; Mark 16

I think I'm going to continue blogging IF I say I don't write to be read why would I care that noone reads. I am going to stay blogging the reading plan and praying for input and people to read along with me.

Christmas was amazing.
Time with family beyond a blessing we expected, or feel remotely entitled to. We had EVERYONE at our home on Christmas eve....Santa for all to enjoy...
There were tears and laughter and so much joy along with a healthy amount of intropsection I think.

We had an engagement....he proposed right in front of all of us. Our prayer is they seek You.....

Proverbs 29: 18 If people can't see what God is doing,
they stumble all over themselves;
But when they attend to what he reveals,
they are most blessed.

vs.25 The fear of human opinion disables;
trusting in God protects you from that.

In the introspection there were some things said that I heard MORE than I hear You. I pray in 2009 to stop 'fighting what I hear' and seek to hear You and Your voice.... following that, living risky and reckless in that following.

and Mark 16: 1-3 When the Sabbath was over, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome bought spices so they could embalm him. Very early on Sunday morning, as the sun rose, they went to the tomb. They worried out loud to each other, "Who will roll back the stone from the tomb for us?"
The Mary's soon to discover that it had been done...the stone rolled away and YOU resurrected....
In the introspection I can get caught up in not knowing what to do, forgetting You've done it all and now in a reckless life, just in the hearing, follow where You undoubtably lead....

Having trouble connecting pictures here's the link if you want to see.... http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/emailAlbum?uname=beckybjkphotos&aid=5285192286200193857

Proverbs 22; Mark 12

I so want to post this......

But not technologically savvy enough to do so. You can go to Roy's blog and he figured it out...
Penn's take on a gentleman's giving him a bible is pretty amazing. He calls him a 'good man', I would imagine this guy would deny that and what Penn really sees is LOVE.
But our being such a romanticized people, playing in 'mud pies' while an ocean beach awaits us, Penn doesn't call it such.
I am moved by it and moved by the faith of the gentleman, giving a bible to a professed atheist. Not shoving it in his face but gently giving it to him and giving him contact information so he, when and if he so desires could get in touch with him. That's love and we so rarely know it. And me, I'm afraid to show that kind of love. I think there are moments when I feel it, genuinely from the Holy Spirit feel it. More often than not I ignore it, I flee from it, I deny it...I don't know why. In praying to live a life a risk, praying for we who know to LIVE in the Spirit I do all this...and this morning I wonder if I could do different, if I could live in the love He calls me to?
So in order to implement all that I learn from reading His Word I am praying to submit more and more to the power He offers. To not look for nor need other affirmation and approval, to surrendered into all that He offers to me live in a love that will perhaps confuse people.
Maybe it's the season, maybe it's answered prayer, maybe it's .......His love.
Merry Christmas and I pray that you find His love and sink deeply into it, trusting that He is who He says He is, gives what He promises and wants you to in the sinking be His lights here on earth.

Mark 12: The Most Important Commandment 28 One of the religion scholars came up. Hearing the lively exchanges of question and answer and seeing how sharp Jesus was in his answers, he put in his question: "Which is most important of all the commandments?"
29-31Jesus said, "The first in importance is, 'Listen, Israel: The Lord your God is one; so love the Lord God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence and energy.' And here is the second: 'Love others as well as you love yourself.' There is no other commandment that ranks with these."

And if it's true that we can't give away what we don't have....and I believe it is.....He takes care of our loving others IF we love Him first......

Merry Christmas and may His LOVE shine from within you.

Proverbs 19;Mark 11

I am awake and feeling the urgency that I feel after seeing my sin, my stubbornness, my whatever THIS time sent me reeling.... knowing that others live in sin and sometimes don't see it as well. ...knowing that I am covered in Grace His and others.....knowing that when I am in contempt either in myself or others I am not seeing anything true....knowing that this is a journey and I am bound to fail and He looks at my faithfulness on the journey, my tenacity more than my success.....feeling this morning blessed and overwhelmed with His love.

In Mark this morning the people are worshipping Him as he arrives and then they/we turn on Him......I know this, I do this......You love us still....what an a amazing God.

Proverbs 18; Mark 10

Staying home ill today, still the coughing and sneezing......

Mark 10: 13-16 The people brought children to Jesus, hoping he might touch them. The disciples shooed them off. But Jesus was irate and let them know it: "Don't push these children away. Don't ever get between them and me. These children are at the very center of life in the kingdom. Mark this: Unless you accept God's kingdom in the simplicity of a child, you'll never get in." Then, gathering the children up in his arms, he laid his hands of blessing on them.

vs.27 Jesus was blunt: "No chance at all if you think you can pull it off by yourself. Every chance in the world if you let God do it."

I think I try so hard and when I fail I never quite fully give up-surrender. I'm always convinced I can DO better. I can't...and the trying is so prideful and stubborn.....it's like I get there, right at the foot of the cross and the pain of seeing myself for who I really am is so painful that I raise my hand to Him who hangs there on the cross, having paid it all , I raise my hand up and run away...the point is to stay in that realization and fully grasp the forgiveness He offers. I pray to do that, to not self contemptously (pridefully) think I can do better, to not stubbornly hold on to whatever in that moment makes me think I can do it on my own....and in that pain, that searing pain ...surrender .

Proverbs 17; Mark 9

So the white stuff hasn't magically disappeared, maybe having something to do with the subzero temps right now. I am soo not a winter person, the beauty of snow is beauty in the middle of the nite when noone is out in it and all is quiet...otherwise...not a fan.

I am witnessing in my husband so much cool right now. Watching him come to the realization that God is in everything, always with him...it's enough to make a woman fall in love all over again. Thing is I never fell out of love, he's one of those guys you know....the kind that may appear one way but those of us close to them get to see the real stuff, good and bad. He's teachable right now and seeking and soft and strong in that softness like I only see when he is seeking. I don't know much but what I see and am watching in my husband is truly amazing. So this journey as hard as it gets, as confusing and messy I would give not a moment of it up to see my husband become a follower of Christ....Thank You Father for allowing me this privilege.

I wonder what lives of RISK we are going to live in the following? We're both praying right now and committed to trying to hear and in the hearing maybe we'll be responsively obedient....

Speaking of responsively obedient...I think it's definitely time to stop the blogging. I don't know what it looks like to not share here my thoughts of a morning but I think maybe I need to learn that. So if you've read here and developed your own love of Him and His word would love a parting shout out.....geez, I've blogged for like 3 years now wonder how I'll give it up.....

Proverbs 16; Mark 8

A Snow Day and working for a school district as I do ,I get all the phone calls from people displeased w/the decision to have school in the snow. Don't get me started on entitlement again....do they not think the decision is made with much deliberation and investigation and concern? People driving in calling to complain about the weather on their cell phones, making driving even more dangerous.....?? Keep the kids home, as parents we always have the right to that decision...giving the power to others and then disagreeing with the decisions.
I don't know I think blogging is about to be over for me becoming way to opinionated and verbal, when Your call is to a quiet obedience...to YOU. All the wrestling I've done is good and OK all the questions here are good and ok and yet now...knowing what I know and not living it is not ok......

I long for a purpose and a plan for my life. I believe that You have one I just haven't found it yet. I wait for others to validate my life instead of looking expectantly to You for that validation. I long to be a woman of substance and strength and get caught up and fall under my incapabilities and lack of .....see there I go, rather than reading these amazing bits of wisdom and resting on who YOU are......

Mark 8: 20"And the seven loaves for the four thousand—how many bags full of leftovers did you get?"
"Seven."
21 He said, "Do you still not get it?"

There is more than enough food in the world IF we share.......If we as followers of Christ trust in Him who provides and the sad thing is we don't.........I don't....21 He said, "Do you still not get it?"

34-37 Calling the crowd to join his disciples, he said, "Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat; I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to saving yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? What could you ever trade your soul for?
38 "If any of you are embarrassed over me and the way I'm leading you when you get around your fickle and unfocused friends, know that you'll be an even greater embarrassment to the Son of Man when he arrives in all the splendor of God, his Father, with an army of the holy angels."

.....knowing what I know and not living it is NOT ok.....

Proverbs 15; Mark 7

So many thoughts in my head this morning....'entitlement'....GRACE...being a Spiritual Mother....change and friction and.......

Live and work like the rest of the world in broken places. In the brokenness perhaps we've tripped over Jesus but we don't know how to get up from the sprawled out place we've fallen, don't know how to accept Your grace...maybe we never have.....maybe we've forgotten...maybe we've numbed to it, begun feeling entitled to it.......

Entitlement is so isidious......I'm not sure I fully recognize it until I see it someone else and correlate it back to me and my own feelings.....

How do we as followers of Christ avoid it, stay immersed in Your Grace and operate following You?

As parents we entitle our children...we begin to feel as though 'they' are entitled to things that they're not.....BUT if we don't call it what it is we keep on doing it....We live in complicated times and are called to live lives of simplicity...how do we do that using the technology and advancements of the times and not become dependent on them leading us to feeling entitled to possess them?

I don't know just alot going on in my head and heart this morning...alot I've wrestled with for years, lost...and yet not learned.....

So today stumbling into YOUR GRACE......

Proverbs 15: 33 Fear-of-God is a school in skilled living—first you learn humility, then you experience glory. humility.....we don't deserve anything and yet Your Grace bathes us....maybe it takes our whole lives to learn this.....
Mark 7:24-30 this story always kind of bothered me and today I see her humility, she's not even supposed to know all about Jesus and she does...his own disciples sometimes didn't see or know and here in all humility she sees it all....and will take any small crumb of His grace.....no entitlement in her at all....

An heir of Christ humble........that's the simplicity of us as followers of Christ to grasp.....no entitlement......He never said it would be easy He does promise to be with us....alot to settle into today.....

this is where I'll be today.
what you don't see is .....my ass end hoppin and jumpin and twitchin

woke up w/my particular brand of crazy
spent some time w/hubs and after sharin my crazy w/him
came down to my fightin against all the time
never fightin for, always against

hearing 'follow me'
so
choosing to, w/my head in your hands

quiet down today and
follow

'you don't demand that I be successful, just faithful.'.....mother teresa

Proverbs 11; Mark 4

3-8"Listen. What do you make of this? A farmer planted seed. As he scattered the seed, some of it fell on the road and birds ate it. Some fell in the gravel; it sprouted quickly but didn't put down roots, so when the sun came up it withered just as quickly. Some fell in the weeds; as it came up, it was strangled among the weeds and nothing came of it. Some fell on good earth and came up with a flourish, producing a harvest exceeding his wildest dreams.
9"Are you listening to this? Really listening?"

It's why I blog the Bible, the Word, Scripture.....my way of planting, scattering seed......I so desire to hang out with other farmers...no Bible quoting, just hanging out with people who desire to see Him grow in others. I don't think I come across as a humble farmer in real life I think I'm more of a...I don't know how I come across. I've looked at the wake I push and tryed to change but I imagine very little actually changes in my trying...my HOPE, my prayer is that He is changing me.....a farmer, a humble farmer scattering seed.

Proverbs 10

Msg. vs. 9 Honesty lives confident and carefree, but Shifty is sure to be exposed.

Just talked about this w/a gal this morning. This new curiousity born in me came after people being...
no.....my allowing people to be curious about me....?...

So in being 'shifty' ie: w/o self awareness, simply self absorption, I was scared of what people would discover in their being curious...
and now tho honesty is not yet carefree, still too self protective .....
there is a certain amount of confidence being born in me along with the curiousity of others....???..huhhhhhh....Shifty ie: being self protective is sure to be exposed.....I don't want to be Shifty......SO I have to BE God dependent......

what is your experience with others being curious about you?

It never stops you know, Your constant attention to us......Thank You for that......

Proverbs 9

How come I am afraid to 'dream'?

Msg vs. 7-12 If you reason with an arrogant cynic, you'll get slapped in the face;
confront bad behavior and get a kick in the shins. So don't waste your time on a scoffer;
all you'll get for your pains is abuse. But if you correct those who care about life,
that's different—they'll love you for it! Save your breath for the wise—they'll be wiser for it;
tell good people what you know—they'll profit from it.
Skilled living gets its start in the Fear-of-God,
insight into life from knowing a Holy God. It's through me, Lady Wisdom, that your life deepens, and the years of your life ripen. Live wisely and wisdom will permeate your life;
mock life and life will mock you.

I have slapped many......don't think I was ever a scoffer but arrogance runs deep I am sure. The humility called for is elusive and scary, vulnerability here is one thing, in the world frightens me. So I don't live free, I don't dream and Father You see this and the dreams I keep hidden I pray to pursue You here and in my dreams.....

Proverbs 8

The whole of it moving and real.
Filled with applicable truths and doable things.
Praying for others to have amazing Holy Spirit encounters and He never fails to amaze me with my own IF I am willing to see them.
So often though I get caught up in my crap and miss the wonder of Him.
Underestimating the power that He left for us to be reliant on.....
So today to remember and move as You lead.....knowing I'm gonna trail off into what I want
BUT YOU never give up on me, His relentless pursuit of us...... What an amazing God you know.....what an amazing God.

PERSEVERE I hear it.......

Proverbs 5

Intense when I want to be seen as fun
Too talkative when I want to be known as listening
Incapable when I want to be seen as capable

When does your humanness get in the way of people knowing the hope, forgiveness and love of Jesus? Tony Morgan

21 -23 Mark well that God doesn't miss a move you make;
he's aware of every step you take.
The shadow of your sin will overtake you;
you'll find yourself stumbling all over yourself in the dark.
Death is the reward of an undisciplined life;
your foolish decisions trap you in a dead end.

Gotta stop fighting against the voices I hear and lean in to hear Yours. There is much in me wanting to charge around and I hear 'slow your roll'.....maybe then ......frustration this morning against , instead of trusting in what might be.

Proverbs 4

I have a group that has met once a week for like 13 years and it is 'changin'....growth = change or change = growth and not always an easy grower or changer......

Msg vs. 3-9 When I was a boy at my father's knee,
the pride and joy of my mother, He would sit me down and drill me:
"Take this to heart. Do what I tell you—live!
Sell everything and buy Wisdom! Forage for Understanding!
Don't forget one word! Don't deviate an inch! Never walk away from Wisdom—
she guards your life; love her—she keeps her eye on you.
Above all and before all, do this: Get Wisdom!
Write this at the top of your list: Get Understanding!
Throw your arms around her—believe me, you won't regret it;
never let her go—she'll make your life glorious.
She'll garland your life with grace,
she'll festoon your days with beauty."

Biblically wisdom = 'fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom' Ps. 111:10;Pro.1:7;Pro. 9:10
Websters wisdom= 1 a: accumulated philosophic or scientific learning : knowledge b: ability to discern inner qualities and relationships : insight c: good sense : judgment d: generally accepted belief 2: a wise attitude, belief, or course of action3: the teachings of the ancient wise men
Wiki wisdom = to much to copy click link @ Wiki

The only place I have found wisdom I can trust is through the Bible....otherwise isn't it filtered through someone else's understanding and experiences ?.... and IF I am to seek Wisdom and understanding at all costs how else to do it? If I seek anothers wisdom I am dependent on them to guide me and in that dependence I come to 'idolize' them and as for me with any and all idols as soon as they let me down I'm lost, I'm angry and .......So the wisdom I seek has to come from You and I guess what Solomon is saying here is that we do seek You...Matthew says the same thing....and I think I am finding this in my life and it is surprising the heck out of me...
so if this is true and this week I've been wondering how long I am going to read 'stuff' and not do it....this is for me today as well

vs. 23-27 Keep vigilant watch over your heart;
that's where life starts. Don't talk out of both sides of your mouth;
avoid careless banter, white lies, and gossip.
Keep your eyes straight ahead;
ignore all sideshow distractions.Watch your step,
and the road will stretch out smooth before you.
Look neither right nor left; leave evil in the dust.

See, this is why I love the Word it speaks to us where we're at and it IS His Spirit guiding us and convicting and comforting us as He sees us need it....
Read it with your heart open and see where He takes you, think of it Him birthing in you passions and ....

see there I go getting carried away again and I hear in my head....'slow your roll'

Proverbs 2

Just 'twittered' coming to work with a passion...tho not for work. Sitting at a table at Panera w/women and we read the Bible...wow ...I mean what better way to start the day but with seeking hearts. Discovering with other people that it's this amazing love letter teaching us to love Him and others, showing us how far short we fall in so many areas and yet in that very realization, seeing our need for forgiveness and in the consumption of His amazing GRACE.... in that discovery and in THAT......that very consumption is ...is....this hope and passion to continue. I don't know just in this journey discovering His power and grace and mercy and love ......
We have given our small group the beginners journaling plan in a treasure map form, for them to discover the truth inside Your word. For them to take that map and seek....
I am passionate about people sitting at tables in homes, coffee shops wherever, together searching for truth, hope, grace, wisdom....within it's pages. Seeing in each other how He works...
I don't know just this morning feeling a certain passion for who You are.....

And then Ricki, look at this......

1-5 Good friend, take to heart what I'm telling you;

collect my counsels and guard them with your life.

Tune your ears to the world of Wisdom;

set your heart on a life of Understanding.

That's right—if you make Insight your priority,

and won't take no for an answer,

Searching for it like a prospector panning for gold,

like an adventurer on a treasure hunt,

Believe me, before you know it Fear-of-God will be yours;

you'll have come upon the Knowledge of God.

6-8 And here's why: God gives out Wisdom free,

is plainspoken in Knowledge and Understanding.

He's a rich mine of Common Sense for those who live well,

a personal bodyguard to the candid and sincere.

He keeps his eye on all who live honestly,

and pays special attention to his loyally committed ones.

9-15 So now you can pick out what's true and fair,

find all the good trails! Lady Wisdom will be your close friend,

and Brother Knowledge your pleasant companion.

Good Sense will scout ahead for danger,

Insight will keep an eye out for you.

They'll keep you from making wrong turns,

or following the bad directions Of those who are lost themselves

and can't tell a trail from a tumbleweed,

These losers who make a game of evil

and throw parties to celebrate perversity, Traveling paths that go nowhere,

wandering in a maze of detours and dead ends.

16-19 Wise friends will rescue you from the Temptress—

that smooth-talking Seductress

Who's faithless to the husband she married years ago,

never gave a second thought to her promises before God.

Her whole way of life is doomed;

every step she takes brings her closer to hell.

No one who joins her company ever comes back,

ever sets foot on the path to real living.

20-22 So—join the company of good men and women,

keep your feet on the tried-and-true paths.

It's the men who walk straight who will settle this land,

the women with integrity who will last here. The corrupt will lose their lives;

the dishonest will be gone for good.

I am starting to wonder IF we as believers read Your Word with seeking hearts what You would do in and around us.

I am starting to believe that in the Word passions would be born and in those passions problems, if not solved, then more and more people wrapping that passion along with their gifts and talents around walking with people suffering from those problems.......

just something I am starting to wonder......

James 5

Yesterday I asked myself the question, twittered it even....Wondering how many times I can read something and still not just do it.
I hear training vs. trying...admitting I don't train for anything .....so today pulling these words out of the reading and going to ....going to what?
Well...train at them....holding them today as words to train with..praying You to guide me, that I submit/surrender to THAT guidance...
*listen...
*Be patient....
*stand firm
*Don't grumble against each other...
* persevere
*pray
*confess your sins to each other and pray for each other