Numbers 34-36;Mark 11

^{Mark 11: 22-25} Jesus was matter-of-fact: "Embrace this God-life. Really embrace it, and nothing will be too much for you. This mountain, for instance: Just say, 'Go jump in the lake'—no shuffling or shilly-shallying—and it's as good as done. That's why I urge you to pray for absolutely everything, ranging from small to large. Include everything as you embrace this God-life, and you'll get God's everything. And when you assume the posture of prayer, remember that it's not all asking. If you have anything against someone, forgive—only then will your heavenly Father be inclined to also wipe your slate clean of sins."

Embrace this God life....Lynz in seeing a 'fear', telling me i love myself more than i love Jesus, not in an accusatory way, in the way someone tells someone slow down a minute don't miss this......so today I will in the having been embraced and forgiven, look for where my fear comes out and .....see it for what it really is.

I am thinking this is my last post, going back to my fountain pen and journal. i do this for conversation, or thot i did. i get that in the mornings w/dan and i think that should be enough.

This is how I have been seeing myself. Such a visual for me how I 'think' I without Your grace overpowering me just rip that top sheet up and it's done. Under the sheet is this soft carbon(?) and on it are all the marks, words, actions that I have had said to me. The power I give those words....when all power needs to be in You. To love You more than I love myself......My daughter just challenged me with some hard words spoken from a place she's learned and out of the love she has for Christ and wants for me and then she gave me this verse to help....tore

Romans 8:31-38 (The Message)

^31-39So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture:

They kill us in cold blood because they hate you.
We're sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.
None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.

I love only because You loved me first and that.....well that is hard to remember.....and it makes me a brand new magic slate.......wow for a young woman she is very wise. I am blessed and forgiven more than any one deserves. Please Jesus through the help of Your Spirit I will remember that today. And operate out of the vulnerability such a promise could offer me....i have much to learn and pray for more and more THAT to be what drives me.

Numbers 30 & 31; Mark 9

My heart this morning is burdened. Sounds like such an dramatic word and yet what comes to mind. Walked w/a gal yesterday and it's always good, we being so much alike. So maybe that's dangerous and contributes to the heaviness I feel?
I have a group of women in my life that light me up and a group that years of contact with no connection leaves me confused. I am confused more than clear and that's making me even more confused and with an urgency that is even more confusing. Being a mess except right here, alone......in Your Word. Not I would imagine what You have planned for me or any of us? Or is it? Here I am wounded and weak, tearful and soft........seeking always seeking a direction and never taking a step or appearing to. See just a freakin mess with hopes and dreams lurking always at the edge of my consciousness threatening to make me even weirder than i already feel.
I look at the disciples and see a group of men so committed to following wherever it was you led them, what is stopping me? Being found out, discovered at being without gift or talent....just a mess of dreams and hopes that only You can bring to fruition. Worthless and yet an heir to Your kingdom, tell me how that makes sense?

Numbers 30: ^1-2 Moses spoke to the heads of the tribes of the People of Israel: "This is what God commands: When a man makes a vow to God or binds himself by an oath to do something, he must not break his word; he must do exactly what he has said.

This is what the 'I will's' in my life are doing to me, why I won't 'i will' something that frightens me or threatens to expose my absolute dependence on needing Your help or heaven forbid the help of others. I want easy Abba and nothing in this journey is easy...

Mark 8: ²³ Jesus said, "If? There are no 'ifs' among believers. Anything can happen."

²⁴ No sooner were the words out of his mouth than the father cried, "Then I believe. Help me with my doubts!"

Numbers 28 and 29; Mark 8

There is much You are bugging me in, I find myself alternately delighted and....well bugged. Can the God of the universe really be that interested in us? I think so and that fact, yes I use the word FACT gives me HOPE even in the midst of shame. I do live in shame and hiding, been called out of it, in it numerous times and now.........what do I DO with that?
Numbers this morning You want to be in everything, thanked for being in everything. Everything is a 'spiritual decision' and then Mark this morning...^34-37 Calling the crowd to join his disciples, he said, "Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat; I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to saving yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? What could you ever trade your soul for? ³⁸"If any of you are embarrassed over me and the way I'm leading you when you get around your fickle and unfocused friends, know that you'll be an even greater embarrassment to the Son of Man when he arrives in all the splendor of God, his Father, with an army of the holy angels."
I will today follow wherever it is You lead and since You know me You know how very much help and 'buggin' I am gonna need.