Monday, October 27, 2008

Mark 15

I am disappointed this morning.
disappointed that people are / have been hurt
disappointed that people hurt other people, that I hurt people, that I have been hurt
disappointed that everyone is so about themselves that the cycle won’t end
disappointed that I am all about me
disappointed that I am so impatient to see You work
disappointed that in that impatience I miss seeing You work
disappointed that we who profess to love Christ make no difference in the world, no,that's not true, disappointed that I make no difference in the world, in the relationships I am in the middle of, being so much about me
disappointed that I remain an emotional child when it comes to relationships
disappointed that I am so scared of my emotional responses I don't relate well to others disappointed that labels sting, that I have stung and been stung
disappointed that this never seems to change
disappointed that we can’t hear each other, that I have not heard nor been heard
disappointed that I care so much about what others think
disappointed that THAT drives me more than a desire to love
disappointed that I profess to know Him, to have his love letter and refuse to trust Him
disappointed that I talk RISK and look for safety
disappointed that I think I deserve to feel safe
disappointed and broken this morning….just very disappointed and broken and praying to stay this way and yet fighting it every step of the way
And then this morning the reading is Mark 15
I am disappointed I don't know what I would have done if I had been there.......
So to live in the disappointments. Not dwell in them LIVE in them, moving always towards You and the HOPE of Christ......

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Aspirations for the here and now:

  • Ask way more questions than offer answers.
  • Be more spontaneous and outrageous, loving with an abandon that isn't about me.
  • Be who I am even if she is crazy and weird
  • Do a good deed for a stranger
  • Don't be afraid to dream
  • Enjoy more sunrises.
  • Enjoy my husband and family.
  • Everyone has a story, listen to them.
  • Find a dreaming friend
  • Go on a picnic with Dan
  • Go snorkeling again.
  • Hear You
  • Help someone
  • Hike/walk regularly
  • Learn to live more and more SIMPLE
  • Learn to live without 'blinking'
  • Learn to love, really love
  • Learn to say I'm sorry w/o a 'but'
  • Learn to, strive to, be 'other' centered
  • Learn what it is to BE a friend
  • Lose 20 more pounds and take another trip to LA
  • Love, love, love on my Grandkids
  • Make a new friend
  • Read MORE books, make the time to read
  • Take alot of photos and learn how to take better ones and share better the ones I take.

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