I read books and blog and see movies very diverse.
I remember HAVING to read HAVING to go to the movies, the silence was beyond anything I could stand. My mind raced and I pouted and whined.( btw I still pout and whine)
I remember someone asking if I didn't maybe read too much
I remember wanting to KNOW Christ
I remember coming to Christ
I remember thinking those phrases were beyond my understanding
I remember thinking people who used those phrases were judgemental freaks
I remember never wanting to EVER use them in my vocabulary
I remember feeling judged
I remember thinking everyone was judgemental but me
I remember realizing I am judgemental
I remember being surprised by that
I remember thinking I was tolerant
I remember finding out I was tolerant
I remember thinking being tolerant meant I LOVED more and better than others
I remember being frightened of the bible, of people who read the bible thinking they were intolerant and judgemental
I remember reading the bible for the first time and finding it was hard to read
I remember finding out it was easy to read
I remember that getting from hard to easy meant spending time doing it
I remember wanting to read it, falling in love with reading it
I remember not having enough time to do everything I thought I had to do
I remember being unable to sleep
I remember racing thoughts
I remember being depressed and wanting to run away
I remember when I realized that I didn’t have to physically run away to escape
I remember judging those who did run away
I remember being jealous of them
I remember discovering that even though I was physically there, I was long gone
I remember wanting people to befriend me
I remember wanting people to hug me
I remember wanting to FIT somewhere
I remember working to FIT everywhere
I remember when I realized I didn't fit anywhere
I remember wrestling with God over EVERYTHING
I remember coming to enjoy the wrestling
I remember reading somewhere or someone saying my wrestling was stubbornness
I remember all this because I am still all this
Then I remember GRACE.....and, well then I remember all over again