Exodus 17 - 20; Acts 3; Luke 9

I say I don't care who reads and mostly I don't, I mean seriously I write like a 3rd grader....but sometimes just to know there is 'someone'...but if I did...well that would be a whole nuther struggle :)
Last nite meeting with a gal and just breaking down, begging her to mentor me.....her agreeing :)
This morning meeting w/ a gal and us rambling through several weeks worth of stuff...pointing each other back to God or to celebrating what we couldn't see in the moment, but someone else can.. affirming that He is who we're after, who's after us....:)
the weather is depressing and while there was a time when February got me down...I ain't skeered this year, not looking forward to MORE winter....but, seeing that You have a much better plan, even in the seasons than I ever could...remembering yet again Your TIME... :)
telling others whom I love and who give me permission, even ask me to point them to You that You want us to live honest and vulnerable, like turtles without our shells trusting You and You alone and then I'm freakin scared to do it...
feeling needy and ugly when I do and really...
what the hell does a turtle wihout it's shell look like anyway.....in fact they can't live without their shells...and You ask us to die to ourselves so the analogy takes me further and further into dependence or the desire for it.....but the needy and ugly...whoooo and if I don't... how can I keep telling them to??? You can't give away what you don't have..I get....but getting this just hurts.....:)

Your sovereignty comforts me....the urge to run while always being my first instinct, lessening....as much fun as fighting You is realizing I fight far more against stuff than for...

so I come this morning weepy and soft and eager and yet scared to death...in praying to see my 'wetness', my sins......what's gonna happen this time when I do??.....

This scary God in Exodus 17-20 is the same God who sent us Jesus...Grateful Grateful Grateful...
Luke 9: 10 When the apostles returned, they reported to Jesus what they had done. Then he took them with him and they withdrew by themselves to a town called Bethsaida, 11 but the crowds learned about it and followed him. He welcomed them and spoke to them about the kingdom of God, and healed those who needed healing.
12 Late in the afternoon the Twelve came to him and said, "Send the crowd away so they can go to the surrounding villages and countryside and find food and lodging, because we are in a remote place here."
13 He replied, "You give them something to eat."
They answered, "We have only five loaves of bread and two fish—unless we go and buy food for all this crowd." 14(About five thousand men were there.)
But he said to his disciples, "Have them sit down in groups of about fifty each." 15 The disciples did so, and everybody sat down. 16 Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke them. Then he gave them to the disciples to set before the people. 17 They all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces that were left over.

Oh how like the disciples I am....here they were going to go and 'get' time w/Jesus alone...and I can just imagine they wanted it pretty badly and Jesus says....You give them something to eat..making it pretty clear the 'retreat' was over......this desire for a 'mentor' is not healthy??
...when I live with the desire to 'give it away'....You are enough.......I do not want to drain this gal.....perhaps it is like she said we will encourage and inspire and challenge each other...??

Luke 9: 23 Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. 24 For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. 25 What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self? 26 If anyone is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels. 27I tell you the truth, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the kingdom of God."

So like a turtle without her shell...trusting only in YOUR protection...