Ex. 14-16; Acts 2; 1 Kings 11

Had a group early where we read & talked about 1 Kings 11....
'wholeheartedness'
Samuel= no heart for You..
David= Whole heart for You...
Solomon =1/2 hearted for You....

David in wholeheartedness for You, screwed up and yet always turned back to You...
Solomon 1000 women unwilling to give them up and turn back to You....

Wholeheartedness = all the Psalms lamenting and crying out...
Do I hold back my WHOLE heart out of fear of that??
Do I mistrust You or am I simply still trying to control You and EARN Your approval...what a ridiculous thing to write and know how wrong and yet how very much THAT is me...
I am so afraid of what I will DO in REAL trials that I live 1/2 hearted?
I don't think so ....BUT I sure don't live FREE either...
David was FREE to dance naked in the streets....
Solomon was bound to 1000 women....
so, where am I still bound?
"his heart was not fully devoted to the Lord his God".....
do I dare pray to see?
remembering David turned BACK...so when I see, somehow forgo shame and go directly to repentance....Help me Abba Help me...to see that that I don't want to see....