Genesis 34-36; Luke 14

It's looking to be a dreary day here in KC....the wind came up about 6AM and is still literally howling. The weather here can't seem to decide what it wants to do? One day 60+ and by evening, just as the sun goes down it's below 30 and today they are predicting sub-zero.

Genesis 34, wow the romantic in me highly disappointed. romantic what the hell , seriously what the hell do I find romantic about raping and THEN being strongly attracted?? I didn't even know it was my 'reaction' until they killed the whole family.....I don't know what I thought, happily ever after after a rape...????...My brain sometimes surprises the hell out of me.
Watching Gran Torino this weekend some of that was revealed to me. I don't want to give anything away go see it, it's a great movie. The emotions it surfaced in me were as I said surprising...that I so quickly went to a justification of revenge....and yet missed it here? I totally surprise myself with the views I can hold......Thank You you're not surprised and I'm forgiven them...drawn to looking deeper into the WHYS of holding them.

That is frightening enough but this to me even more so.....Luke 14: 33"Simply put, if you're not willing to take what is dearest to you, whether plans or people, and kiss it good-bye, you can't be my disciple.
34"Salt is excellent. But if the salt goes flat, it's useless, good for nothing.
"Are you listening to this? Really listening?"

I pray to live risky and reckless and yet my family is everything to me. I struggle with this verse so much....my Grands are the world to me......my children.....my husband.....this verse just disturbs me deeply......the views I hold.....that You would TAKE THEM from me, when You are asking me to let them go.....like I ever had them in the first place, they are incredible gifts in my life.....they're Yours I know.....my desire for them is to live incredible lives of risk and recklessness for YOU, I've seen/known the joy of seeking that.....but this verse deeply disturbs me......so today to really listening....and counting on You to change MY VIEW.....