Genesis 42&43; Psalm 5; Luke 17

Luke 17' 33 If you grasp and cling to life on your terms, you'll lose it, but if you let that life go, you'll get life on God's terms.

wrestling always wrestling with You, against Your words and the people You place in my life....always wrestling never winning and in the losing feeling so much Grace and permission to keep wrestling, in the losing,a call to an obedience that is hard but never impossible...in the losing receiving so much.....a closeness and fondness.......in the losing feeling Your love....in the losing less demanding to have it my way because i trust Yours....i still demand and wrestle and am so ugly as to be disgusting but in the losing You reveal Your strength and beauty that i don't need any of my own ...until the next time and i am sorry Abba that there is always a NEXT time and oh so very grateful that You in the losing reveal more and more of me and cover me w/grace... i feel Your love over and above the shame of ever wrestling with You in the first place.....
so today i will be awed and grateful wrestling has grown my faith and obedience, has made me want more and more what You want..... that as Dan Allender says in Wounded Hearts......
'Those who trust God most are those whose faith permits them to risk wrestling with Him over the deepest questions of life. Good hearts are captured in a divine wrestling match; fearful doubting hearts stay clear of the mat."

having been a gravestone kicker / wrestler since the beginning of this journey.....this comforts me. .....after all before that i was a runner and a quitter....staying way clear of the mat... i often wonder what will happen.....i think i w/wrestle and lose and become more and more of a gracious loser in the process....at least i hope so. thank you Abba , Jesus and Holy Spirit.....i lose and yet never feel like a loser with You...

in reflecting on my choice of quote...there is alot in this book that may or may not be in your journey, it is a book written for survivors of childhood sexual abuse and i am not making light of 'wrestling' with Him.....i have many friends who have accepted the challenge are are stepping up to the mat and i am excited to be cheering them on..... It is divine......He has chosen you to be His what are YOU going to do with that?
i will today live with eyes and heart focused on You, praying to walk alongside someone ready and looking for You.