can we pursue Him or as a result of His ruthless pursuit of us do we simply get to reap the benefits of a relationship w/Him filled w/all the ups and downs of any relationship? Last nite we had a great discussion and I claimed a ruthless pursuit of You.
Am I?
Or am I simply in the throes of an amazing relationship w/You that makes me yearn for more of You, Your Son, Your Spirit, Your Word. I don't know and the thing is if i did i wouldn't be able to articulate any of it because of my messy brain, someone tagged me with that and it has stuck, I had struggled against that truth and tried to deny it, to clean it up but i can't and that bothers me and frustrates me and at times angers me.....and all those emotions are about me and my need to BE understood, when I have a Savior who loves me and pushes me forward to understanding Him.........or maybe more accepting and loving Him and when i do I feel acceptance and love from Him and in that love and acceptance i am more loving and accepting because if He can accept...forgive me how can I not forgive, love and accept others, all others.....and maybe I can't articulate it because it will be different for each person, our amazing Abba interacts w/us, each of us in ways we need to KNOW Him??
way more questions than answers AGAIN .....
I started to think about all the deceit in Jacobs life, his, his mom's, his uncles, his wives.....and the first sentence i read in Luke is 'can't hide behind a religious mask'...i thot becoming 'Christian' would be the FIX of and for me.....I thought helping and being about my church was the answer to feeling so broken and wrong, deceitful and ugly. Turns out it simply revealed more of my ugly and deceit and NEED for forgiveness and grace. The whole of Genesis this morning is the women using their machinations to get what they want and God knowing and blessing them still and they DO turn around and thank Him and name their children in that light. Jesus you are changing my heart but i had to see it first and the seeing it stings like heck and yet the more i see, really see and ACCEPT Your forgiveness for.......maybe it changes me inside out......sometimes tho seeing MORE just sucks and a sense of hopelessness sneaks in and threatens to weigh me down so much ...and then i remember as a sheep of Your flock, chosen You already knew and saw it and allowed me in anyway and i am so very grateful........
dang i wish i could articulate this and You say live it.....
Luke 12: 29-32"What I'm trying to do here is get you to relax, not be so preoccupied with getting so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep yourself in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Don't be afraid of missing out. You're my dearest friends! The Father wants to give you the very kingdom itself.
33-34"Be generous. Give to the poor. Get yourselves a bank that can't go bankrupt, a bank in heaven far from bankrobbers, safe from embezzlers, a bank you can bank on. It's obvious, isn't it? The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being.
47-48"The servant who knows what his master wants and ignores it, or insolently does whatever he pleases, will be thoroughly thrashed. But if he does a poor job through ignorance, he'll get off with a slap on the hand. Great gifts mean great responsibilities; greater gifts, greater responsibilities!
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