Matthew 14-16

This is my last day of 9-5, retiring without the benefits of retirement, what the hell are we thinking?? It will be a time in our lives of complete God dependence, wanting to live the same w/our giving without the benefit of another salary. Wanting to do more relationally in ministry, in DG studies, in familial relationships w/out the constraints of a job and now I am giving up an incredible amount of relationships what the hell was i thinking....I am so scared Abba that again I have quit and runaway from something....it didn't seem that way this last year thinking and praying about it BUT I always fool myself and now I've done it. Please help us to not sink into a financial abyss we can't come out of. Please help me to offer myself counterintuitively to and in situations for Your Kingdom. Please GUIDE Us and forgive me if I have simply created something we can't get out of. Please help my husband...THANK You for him, for his encouragement and excitement in what we are attempting.

The readings today filled w/stories that inspire me even in such fear. It's not like I believe God said 'quit your job' I do believe tho that in being prayerful this last year it is an act of faith on both our parts and just because today I am 'seeing the wind', doesn't mean it's wrong, doesn't mean it's right either just a step of faith and in the hard of it, the impossibility of it when we keep our eyes, our hearts on Him we will get through it the way He desires us to. But oh Abba the wind is sure scary right now...the numbers are staggering and I am weak.