Feelings / emotions
Free will / choices
Willingness
These are the words I am swimming in this morning. Having wrestled w/Your sovereignty I still need to lean into it…
me and feelings / emotions are just still a struggle. Can I FEEL without acting on or subjecting others to my emotions….talking to Lynz last nite about choosing Your way, to go counter-intuitive…
and willingness….am I willing to give up June for Dan’s July…..just a lot of stuff to come at You with and yet to try to do otherwise would just be stuffing down and being outwardly compliant while You know darn well how inwardly defiant I am…..Thank You Abba for being a place where I can’t hide…can’t deny who and what I really am…..
The um… feminist in me um… kind of riled in reading Numbers 30. Speaking directly to men about women and directly to the women….You know how rashly we speak, how deeply we feel and sometimes speak out of those feelings and have put men over us?? What about ….I don’t know just kind of makes me feel weak and that You think I needed/ we needed someone ‘over’ us?? How does that strike women without spouse or father?? I can only look at it from where I am. Never having had a Dad who to my mind cared that much about what I thought or did and now a husband who does. Since coming to Christ both of us looking at every EVERY thing differently. So do I appreciate that IF I speak something out loud Dan can and should challenge me??
1 Kings 19: 11 The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by."
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.
Then a voice said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?"
Just asked Dan this morning or we talked that….so often I want God to DO something to make known to me what I am to do and what if it’s all CHOICES……to hear You in the whispering of do something counterintuitive instead of the way I have always done it……what if it’s about AM I WILLING to try to do something counterintutive and in Your sovereignty You work in that…I don’t know I am emotional and confused this morning wanting what I want…….knowing I need to listen to the whisper of You……and then, well then who knows because I have not done that before…….so a day of swimming in.. Sovereignty…….Feelings / emotions…Free will/choices and willingness…..
And then this….it encourages me this morning, a Twitter from Jonathon Herron for Tozer Tuesday,…. in an environment where I will never be ‘seen’ as doing anything or maybe more as someone incapable of doing anything but encouraging others anyway this I found encouraging today…..
"It must always be kept in mind that what God thinks about a man is more important than what a man thinks about himself.”
As far as God is concerned, what a man is always is more important to God than what that man does.
We judge a man by his performance, by what he can contribute. But God sees deeper inside and bores to the very core of what that man really is.
God is never impressed by what a man can do."
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