Thursday, March 25, 2010

5 AM in an auditorium w/other women asking Your forgiveness and grace when I operate out of fear....
and then looking at, asking myself, when I do, what am I afraid of ?

I think I operate out of fear when I think I am not going to get my way....

and then....asking for more forgiveness and grace....bypassing shame and actually realizing, understanding being heart broke... that every time I am scared I am wanting what I want so badly....to see this so clearly while painful seems also like a stake in the ground kind of moment and finding / figuring out what those moments do…
When I let Your truth drop from my head to my heart...change me, change behaviours and that after all has been a prayer of mine for some time....not a bad way to start a morningI also had to admit I had clamored for the mantle of leadership when you generously have given me one of discipleship....Abba I am so sorry....
Joshua 22: 5 But be very careful to keep the commandment and the law that Moses the servant of the LORD gave you: to love the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways, to obey his commands, to hold fast to him and to serve him with all your heart and all your soul."
Remembering what Larry Crabb says that the POINT of the journey is to want what YOU want more than anything....more and more seeing where I don't, helps me to WANT it more...YOUR Grace works like that. THANK YOU ABBA

1 comment:

katdish said...

"I think I operate out of fear when I think I am not going to get my way..."

Dang. How did you climb into my head and pull those words out? So very true for me. Thanks.

Aspirations for the here and now:

  • Ask way more questions than offer answers.
  • Be more spontaneous and outrageous, loving with an abandon that isn't about me.
  • Be who I am even if she is crazy and weird
  • Do a good deed for a stranger
  • Don't be afraid to dream
  • Enjoy more sunrises.
  • Enjoy my husband and family.
  • Everyone has a story, listen to them.
  • Find a dreaming friend
  • Go on a picnic with Dan
  • Go snorkeling again.
  • Hear You
  • Help someone
  • Hike/walk regularly
  • Learn to live more and more SIMPLE
  • Learn to live without 'blinking'
  • Learn to love, really love
  • Learn to say I'm sorry w/o a 'but'
  • Learn to, strive to, be 'other' centered
  • Learn what it is to BE a friend
  • Lose 20 more pounds and take another trip to LA
  • Love, love, love on my Grandkids
  • Make a new friend
  • Read MORE books, make the time to read
  • Take alot of photos and learn how to take better ones and share better the ones I take.

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