2 Kings 8 - 9; 2 Chronicles 21; 1 Timothy 4

Part of a discussion...well right now witnessing a discussion on our 'depravity'....our being born with it... Being, having been raised Catholic I thot that part of me was washed away in my infant baptism...
and now in thinking about my Grandbabies being born w/that so inate in their being it startles me, doesn't alarm me or make me doubt or...it just startles me into thinking deeply..... The value of the discussion and yet in my inability to verbally process I stay out of it and read and ponder and grapple w/truths I never knew or maybe hadn't applied??.....
Scared to death of 'church' or maybe that's religion....and yet came to Christ because of what my church does...I know I came to Christ because I was chosen it's just that my church helped me to understand that....but I quickly became about my church and not about Him, that came later.....
What do you do with ....?
What do you do w/ a childhood where religion was present but not You?
What do you do w/a religion that for all intents and purposes in my family was Sunday only? And then....and then you meet this God who desires all of you......how do you discuss w/ a family in different stages on the journey about this amazing God who wants every part of you.........when you can't even engage w/fellow soujourners about it.......makes me sad and that sadness keeps me grappling and wrestling and hopefull even in the hopelessness of it.....
I am a sinner saved by Grace filled even still w/an evil selfish spirit of entitlement. The root of which is so deep w/tendrils in every part of my life....thot process....my heart...I'm scared of how very deep my comfort goes...how scared I am to make another uncomfortable.....how far those tendrils reach....GRACE fits here....

1 Timothy 4: 6-10 You've been raised on the Message of the faith and have followed sound teaching. Now pass on this counsel to the followers of Jesus there, and you'll be a good servant of Jesus. Stay clear of silly stories that get dressed up as religion. Exercise daily in God—no spiritual flabbiness, please! Workouts in the gymnasium are useful, but a disciplined life in God is far more so, making you fit both today and forever. You can count on this. Take it to heart. This is why we've thrown ourselves into this venture so totally. We're banking on the living God, Savior of all men and women, especially believers.
11-14 Get the word out. Teach all these things. And don't let anyone put you down because you're young. Teach believers with your life: by word, by demeanor, by love, by faith, by integrity. Stay at your post reading Scripture, giving counsel, teaching. And that special gift of ministry you were given when the leaders of the church laid hands on you and prayed—keep that dusted off and in use.
15-16 Cultivate these things. Immerse yourself in them. The people will all see you mature right before their eyes! Keep a firm grasp on both your character and your teaching. Don't be diverted. Just keep at it. Both you and those who hear you will experience salvation.
I hope so you know....I really do hope so. Make me softer and yet tougher Father to handle whatever it is I am supposed to do.....fearfully boldly praying to live a life of RISK , scared to death to pray it but more scared not to......praying to in the RISK remember and follow where You lead.