Exodus 3 - 5; Luke 22

argggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

That's what I feel like this morning, like I just want to scream and cry and kick my feet and........but I can't / won't / don't.......here I sit at work and simply smile and do my job....pull out of my ass being nice to people...because that's what I get paid for.......as receptionist being nice.....get my ass ate out more often than not and smile through it......

Now usually I don't feel this way but this morning I do.....feel all of the above....like I'm a raw nerve exposed and throbbing.

Exodus 3: 4 God saw that he had stopped to look. God called to him from out of the bush, "Moses! Moses!" (The alternative being ignoring it and God watches for us to stop to look? Makes me wonder how many others there have been that I've/we've/you've ignored?? How many times in the raw and throbbiness have I missed a person on other end of the phone who just hurts, hurts more than me and feels it less? )
Exodus 4: 11-12 God said, "And who do you think made the human mouth? And who makes some mute, some deaf, some sighted, some blind? Isn't it I, God? So, get going. I'll be right there with you—with your mouth! I'll be right there to teach you what to say." (seems to go along with yesterday's 'I'll give you the words and wisdom that will reduce all your accusers to stammers and stutters. ' but again means I would have to be humble enough to listen for You before speaking, trusting enough to know that THAT listening is vital to their journey and not simply my protection.....and that THAT is more important....not usually that other focused to tell the truth)

Sitting at the table with his peeps...the ones who've been with him and you would think would have a clue what's coming....and don't.....sitting with them and loving THEM knowing what is before Him.......Luke 22:14-16 When it was time, he sat down, all the apostles with him, and said, "You've no idea how much I have looked forward to eating this Passover meal with you before I enter my time of suffering. It's the last one I'll eat until we all eat it together in the kingdom of God." He was glad to be celebrating this with them, knowing they didn't understand and wouldn't and .......and with all that He was glad to celebrate it with them......and what do we understand about it now? Am I willing to live my life in that understanding?

See this is why I read, without it I would be screaming and wanting my way here.....here there is conviction and yet such grace and maybe.....I may be learning to want His way....at least I hope that is what is happening....finally....I hope and pray it is...