I have a group of women in my life that light me up and a group that years of contact with no connection leaves me confused. I am confused more than clear and that's making me even more confused and with an urgency that is even more confusing. Being a mess except right here, alone......in Your Word. Not I would imagine what You have planned for me or any of us? Or is it? Here I am wounded and weak, tearful and soft........seeking always seeking a direction and never taking a step or appearing to. See just a freakin mess with hopes and dreams lurking always at the edge of my consciousness threatening to make me even weirder than i already feel.
I look at the disciples and see a group of men so committed to following wherever it was you led them, what is stopping me? Being found out, discovered at being without gift or talent....just a mess of dreams and hopes that only You can bring to fruition. Worthless and yet an heir to Your kingdom, tell me how that makes sense?
Numbers 30: 1-2 Moses spoke to the heads of the tribes of the People of Israel: "This is what God commands: When a man makes a vow to God or binds himself by an oath to do something, he must not break his word; he must do exactly what he has said.
This is what the 'I will's' in my life are doing to me, why I won't 'i will' something that frightens me or threatens to expose my absolute dependence on needing Your help or heaven forbid the help of others. I want easy Abba and nothing in this journey is easy...
Mark 8: 23 Jesus said, "If? There are no 'ifs' among believers. Anything can happen."
24 No sooner were the words out of his mouth than the father cried, "Then I believe. Help me with my doubts!"
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