Exodus 23 & 24; Psalm 14; Acts 5

tonite is the banquet for derek and shea poe, in S Africa. disappointed that none of my dearest friends will be there and wonder how much of that is on me? i pray and ask but wonder what is in my ask? in explaining to my beautiful Grand Emma there was this amazing and pure moment where in telling her my nervousness about asking my friends she kept asking WHY and every time in honestly answering her was another why and before i knew it i had shared all my fears with her and her innocently looking up at me and saying 'just a minute'.
see i told her it's about inviting your friends to a meal but at the end of the meal there is a moment where they will be asked to pledge a financial amount and it made me nervous asking them, even tho I believe in derek and shea alot and what they are doing in South Africa even more.
so she comes back w/this extra large glass piggy bank filled w/money and says..."Gigi i have been praying about what to do with this money and i 'think' i am supposed to give it to Derek and Shea." it was this amazing moment of i had explained it to her and You had her heart ready at 8 years old to understand the concept of 'giving', her parents had communicated already to her in her young life the value and importance of giving back to God what He has entrusted us with...so tonite she will be our guest at the banquet, i want her to listen and be sure.....so tonite i am praying for hearts like Emma's....like a child for all of us to listen to You speak through derek and shea....like children.

acts 5: ^12-16 Through the work of the apostles, many God-signs were set up among the people, many wonderful things done. They all met regularly and in remarkable harmony on the Temple porch named after Solomon. But even though people admired them a lot, outsiders were wary about joining them. On the other hand, those who put their trust in the Master were added right and left, men and women both. They even carried the sick out into the streets and laid them on stretchers and bedrolls, hoping they would be touched by Peter's shadow when he walked by. They came from the villages surrounding Jerusalem, throngs of them, bringing the sick and bedeviled. And they all were healed.

wary because ?? afraid??
does on the other hand, in the next sentence indicate those that did join them were added ??
what vibe do i put off in my freedom in Christ? is it joinable?
in my freedom have i become more fragrant and attractive and if i haven't what am i doing wrong? if i believe that this life in Christ, if i know it has changed my life, marriage, family why am i so afraid of telling my family and friends?
on the other hand, if my trust is in the Master, what do i have to worry about? and there it is my lack of trust. so.......keep praying and in that becoming softer and softer You will do what You do and in the softness and dependence i will become more and more obedient and perhaps there become more joinable?