Amos 4 -6; Psalm 86; Titus 1

Had an amazing morning with some equally amazing women. Sharing struggles with following our husbands....this innate desire to be led and yet the constant battle when they try and how we handle it.
The internal battles we fight....the yearning for self awareness and subsequent disgust with what we find....and there is where it begins....

GRACE

or could if we really looked at it....because really looking inside is what takes us to the need of it...to the beauty of who You are and the awe at how You love us.....
This realization of a desire to 'affect change'.....I don't know what to do with it, where I am supposed to..am I supposed to DO anything with it?? So today I will listen....to those around me and pray to Hear You and learn to follow wherever it is You lead.
The book of Amos....a call to live seeking You, to live in the persecution and strife such a call results in...the strife, not because of You but because of how we have poisoned ourselves with self granduer and wrong desires......we don't know how to seek You and Your will......I seek what satisfies me.....to think that a pursuit of You satisfies is so foreign and yet attractive and proven experientially in my own life.....
and then I have a tattoo that for me was / is indicative of my journey...Ps. 46:10 Be still and KNOW You are God..... hearing in Karate Kid...'being still is not the same as doing nothing'...I get that.....I struggle with that, against that.....pursuit of , recognizing Your pursuit of me..the internal battle is intense.......... in longing to fit so badly, I can lose where it is You may be taking me.....I am not smart enough or soft and humble enough to yield/ surrender until I lose THAT internal battle.
I must be about You and in that You very carefully take me to being about others, all others......kicking and screaming all the way perhaps or maybe that is true less and less in the getting to Know You.....I don't know and that I write all this with such comfort and ease and yet a lack of clarity frustrates me so much.....being about You is not supposed to be anything but humble maybe and that is not my first quality....I will think on and take great comfort in this prayer all day.....

Psalm 86
A prayer of David.

1 Hear, O LORD, and answer me, for I am poor and needy.
2 Guard my life, for I am devoted to you. You are my God;

save your servant who trusts in you.

3 Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I call to you all day long.
4 Bring joy to your servant, for to you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
5 You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who call to you.
6 Hear my prayer, O LORD; listen to my cry for mercy.
7 In the day of my trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me.
8 Among the gods there is none like you, O Lord; no deeds can compare with yours.
9 All the nations you have made will come and worship before you, O Lord;

they will bring glory to your name.
10 For you are great and do marvelous deeds; you alone are God.
11 Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth;

give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.
12 I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever.
13 For great is your love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths of the grave.
14 The arrogant are attacking me, O God; a band of ruthless men seeks my life—

men without regard for you.
15 But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger,

abounding in love and faithfulness.
16 Turn to me and have mercy on me; grant your strength to your servant

and save the son of your maidservant.

17 Give me a sign of your goodness, that my enemies may see it and be put to shame,

for you, O LORD, have helped me and comforted me.