Leviticus 26 -27; Acts 23; Ephesians 4

Our most recent 'journey'...Isolation to Community, still has me wrecked and confused. My idea of community and Yours I guess. I have always sought after community, which to me has maybe been more about 'fitting in'? I don't know much of anything for sure anymore and that not knowing has me soft and seeking BUT comfortable in an isolation that feels more like being 'insulated'.....exploring others and pointing them confidently to You and yet frightened that perhaps I will never 'fit in'. Hubs and I are both rattling around in this new revelation. How we find such comfort in the mornings, in our chairs with our Bibles and journals and tears w/each other wondering what piece we are missing in Your design for community?? I think I 'shake the dust' from alot of places, I think I have...I wonder how much of that was driven by fear, I wonder if I can be forgiven for that shaking, that fear, that lack of faith, that being motivated by what I want rather than following You into loving w/out expectation.... I wonder if in being forgiven I will be told to reenter...I wonder if I will listen and obey.....asking myself do I need to be forgiven or to forgive in order to move....and why does the answer scare me???

Acts 23: 11 The following night the Lord stood near Paul and said, "Take courage! As you have testified about me in Jerusalem, so you must also testify in Rome."

Abba I would love to be so confident of your marching orders for me.....to have made so many mistakes in the past in 'thinking' I knew and in reality it was me.....I want my Daddy in heaven and cry tears of a morning thinking I know something I am too scared to ask again, wondering if I am supposed to ask again.....sensing his fear of the end of his life and having no 'courage' to ask....no willingness to reenter where I have shaken the dust....no willingness to love them where they are at....no willingness to be thought of as ......a Jesus freak....no willingness to follow wherever it is You lead......maybe I will never get over being sooo much about myself and that that might be true frightens me the most.

Ephesians 4: 1 As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. 2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3 Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. 4 There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when you were called— 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.
7 But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it. 8 This is why it says: "When he ascended on high, he led captives in his train and gave gifts to men." 9 (What does "he ascended" mean except that he also descended to the lower, earthly regions 10? He who descended is the very one who ascended higher than all the heavens, in order to fill the whole universe.) 11 It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, 12 to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up 13 until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.
14 Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. 15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. 16 From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.
Living as Children of Light 17 So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. 18 They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. 19 Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more.
20 You, however, did not come to know Christ that way. 21Surely you heard of him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. 22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
25 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 26"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. 28 He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need.
29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

If I do all this......if I trust You and become 'that' vulnerable.......see I am driven by way too much fear and You are NOT a God of fear...so today to swim around in this chapter and verses and follow You wherever that leads...