I hate Butter Beans and yet there is always a can of them in my cabinet as I have a recipe for the best soup that calls for them. I hate them but can’t make this particular soup without them. This is the ugliest recipe what with butter beans and yet LIBERALLY seasoned with aromatic basil leaves, it is to die for. Really delicious.
I am the Elder Brother. Look at him, standing there close to the Father, hands clasped, watching His Father's immense love for the Prodigal, wondering HOW He does it, LOVE with such abandon / without judgement. Wondering how to get the Father to love him...how to humble himself to accept that love....I am the Elder Brother, I was the Elder Brother, I fight against BEING the Elder Brother desiring to BE THE PRODIGAL....
I cannot ask a question without first struggling with having made or making a judgement. I hate to admit it but I know myself and without that judgement, battling against it and seeing a question with this NEW BORN curiosity in me I won’t ask anything. And without asking questions how am I going to learn to love with that abandon?
So my judgement is the butter beans of my life…the curiositythe aromatic basil making a question palatable....I hate it but without it I don’t know ….without it I won’t ask questions…the metaphor is getting weak but I think for me seeing this judgment rife in me....when He wants Psalm 51:17 (msg) ‘I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered. Heart-shattered lives ready for love don't for a moment escape God's notice.’ Ps. 51:17(niv) The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. …I am feeling ashamed this morning, broken at what I see inside, at my judgementalism, my heart is feeling pretty shattered at the admission ……..I don’t know it made sense in my head this morning. I want to become more curious than judgemental. I want to be forgiven.....a broken and contrite heart, let me keep this please.
3 comments:
AMEN!!! I couldn't ask for this enough becky. Just want to accept being broken stay there and have my heart be contrite stay and let trust just wash over me like ocean waves letting them draw me ever closer to Him ty for your weird time prayers my friend I think of you at various times as well :)
i have been the prodigal and the elder brother
i am trying not to be so judgemental
but it is so engrained in me
all i can do is cry out for God to change me
a beautiful prayer at the end.. i know i want to share in it, that's for sure.
(and i'd like to try the soup, too)
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